Monday Made Worse (...then slightly better)

You know what sucks even worse than coming in to work on a Monday morning while the beautiful sun shines and blue skies mock you out your window? Doing it a day early.

Yes, I came in to work on a Sunday afternoon. And Mother's Day, no less. *sigh* Sadly, I just had too much that needed to be done. Not that it really got finished. Amazingly, 4 hours of working on data entry and filing only got me the data entry done and even then, I've still got about 50 letters to enter. Gah. And of course, when you walk into the building and sit down at your computer, there are 60 emails waiting in your inbox, shiny and new, just begging to be answered in due course. Blargh.

Suckitude.

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Now, on to a more positive note (and speaking of suckitude, though, of course, a rather "different" kind of suckitude....) I thought I'd share something that brightened my day and nearly made me spit coffee on my computer screen:

Kleaning the Kitty

Seriously...my cat would have clawed my face off had I ever tried this. I don't think I would even had made it within 5 feet of him.

Happy Monday,

K

My Ray of Sunshine on a Rainy Day...

Woke up this morning to no sun shining through my window and a dark, dreary-looking sky above. Recognizing that this was not conducive to making me want to wake up and go to work, I decided to treat myself to a coffee and scone from the corner bakery before work.

I showed up, got my latte and oven-hot scone (dee-licious!) and paid with my debit. Unfortunately, debit machine wouldn't work. Tried again. No dice. Line up was growing and I heard rumblings behind me as work-bound commuters impatiently groaned that they, too, were paying with debit. I gave the girl my business card (I have so few opportunities to use them, but this was as good as any) and promised to return and pay in the evening, when a lady a few people behind me jumped to the front and threw a $20 bill on the counter, saying, "It's Okay, I've got everyone's coffee." We all turned around puzzled at the idea of someone being this kind and generous before 8am and without their morning java. I tried to protest and the woman shrugged that she she had found the money in the IGA parking lot the previous day, and figured that making sure we were all caffeinated was as good a way to spend it as any.

So I got my breakfast paid for by a wonderful stranger. I wish I had stopped to get her name, or even thank her. But then she jumped on her white horse and rode away, so I couldn't.

...Ok, so I made up the horse part, but if this were the movies, it would SO be how the story ended. Also, she'd probably have gun holsters with really cool homemade pistols in them or something.

Hehe.

Javajavajavajavajava,

K

When the power of Awesome combines...

Surfing the net at work (what? Coffee break :oP)and came across this mashup of two sweetass movies (and two of my favorites): Anchorman, and the recent release 300. You gotta watch it and wet yourself. Or, you know, not wet yourself. Though I highly doubt that's possible, considering the power of hilarity and radness the link below bestows.

Anchorman, 300

hehee,

K

Oh what a glorious past 24 hours I've had...

Greetings, Friends!

Despite being sicky sick and feeling like crud, I have experienced some wonderful surprises and bore witness to some interesting and amusing things over the past day or so, just wanted to share, because I'm in such a happy mood right now :o)...

...the sun is shining. Isn't that grand? To celebrate I ate my lunch outside for the first time this year. Ahh. And of course, what better lunch than a hot dog from Fat Franks, which has now, joyfully, returned to the Legislature area. Seriously, I think I ate there half my summer. MSG? Bah. Humbug.
...sitting outside eating my delicious smokie, watched two squirrels chase each other around the park like idiots. High-larious. Also spent 10 minutes watching bunnies out the window with my coworker, as the Leg is home to many of the fluffy critters.
...This week is Administrative Assistant Appreciate Week (I think it used to be something to do with secretaries, but that's un-PC...) and though I'm "technically" only 1/2 admin, I was delighted to find my coworkers return from lunch this afternoon with a bouquet of glorious spring flowers. Including a gerbera, my favorite flower. It was rad.
...I bought my tickets to go see the Dandy Warhols in May, and found out this morning that the White Stripes are coming to town. Yah!
...lastly, but certainly not least, I saw a most fascinating young man on the bus last night on my way home from work. I had to do a double-take, because it was so uncanny. He was a tall thin punk kid, dressed all in black, who was a doppleganger for Alex in "A Clockwork Orange." I had to bite my lip to keep from grinning at this kid. His fashion was impeccable. He even had a black bowler on his head and I half expected him to lean across the bus and beat some old man while singing in the rain....ahhh....Ok. Most of you would probably find that weird, or perhaps a bit creepy. I found it totally awesome and smiled to myself on the way home how someone could so intricately mimic a costume...

Ok...that's all for me, I've got to go to work now, with a smile on.

woot,

K

Step One: Kick Zombie Ass. Step Two: Kick Small-Town Ass. Simmer. Stir. Serves one Awesome good time!

Just got back from watching "Hot Fuzz" with Nobis. It was a delightful treat. I know, I'm partial to British movies, particularly comedies, but these guys are so funny and the films are so well done, it's hard not to want to cry laughing.

Though it starts off slower than "Shaun of the Dead" it's still a riotous good time. They parody/pay hommage to the classic Cop Action Thriller perfectly. The last few scenes with car chases, gunfights and gore are more than worth the price of admission on their own. It's equal parts spaghetti western, redemption tale and testosterone-infused American machismo flick.

Awesome. Purely awesome. Please, go see it. You will not be disappointed. And if you are, you ought to check your pulse, because in all likelihood you are dead.

Cheers,

K

Please, somebody put me in quarantine!

I'm not sure if it's a sign of the apocalypse or merely a bad flu season, but the past 6 months or so have been absolutely horrific for mass illness in my circle of friends, family and (most notably) coworkers.

Not sure what it is about the office. Maybe it's the recycled air. Maybe it's the fact that we spread our germs all over phones and keyboards and reach our filthy hands into the same bowl of candies/nuts at the reception desk. Whatever it is, it's nasty. I feel like I should be wearing a level-5 Hazmat suit around, or, at the very least, some sort of SARS-shielding surgical mask.

The coworker who occupies the office next to me was away sick yesterday and has spent the majority of today sniffling/coughing/hacking/oozing black goo (okay, not the latter) and every time he does so I want to slam my door shut and wedge a towel under the crack. And I'm not a hypochondriac. But seriously, when 10 out of the 20 people in my office are sniffling or calling in sick over the past few days, I get anxious. While hunkering down at home under the bedsheets sounds like a great plan, the amount of work I will be missing is too daunting to entertain the idea.

Auugghhh.My tummy now hurts. F***. That's it, I'm disinfecting my desk.

Ebola-ically yours,

K

Grief in a 30-Second Soundbyte World

So by now, I'm sure everyone's heard about the horrific massacre that took place at Virginia Tech yesterday. It's blasted across all the newspaper headlines this morning and the news has been non-stop on cable TV and radio shows, the ticker feeding constant updates on the dead, wounded and shocked.

These sorts of occurences have always made me sick, but of late, not for the reasons that such an event might evoke.

Watching hourly updates on CTV NewsNet last night, as well as flipping across other Cable news networks, I couldn't help but notice a theme of seeking out instant-explanations and finding ways to compartmentalize this event and stick it in a box marked "understood". The impetus to "move on" from the event was more shocking than the event itself. Lloyd Robertson (who, I admit, is not my favorite newscaster) encapsulated this sentiment when he stated that (and I'm paraphrasing): "our sympathies go out to the families of those killed and hope that this issue can be resolved so that the healing process can begin."

Excuse me? The "healing process"?! Hours, not days, HOURS have passed since the occurence, the bodies are probably still warm, and we are to believe that now is the time to "get over it"?! Where is the grief? The disbelief? The anger? Are we skipping through those steps towards acceptance and "moving on" or is it some sort of macabre real-life Simpsons episode where we are expected to go through all the stages of grief within a matter of minutes, so we can move on.

I expressed my disgust to my brother as he sat on the couch next to me, and he turned to me and shrugged: "when you live in the world of the 30-second soundbyte, people don't have time to think about the repercussions or impact on society."

So we are not meant to digest this event, merely swallow it and move on? I guess for some that might work, but the grumbling indigestion I feel tells me that perhaps such awful events wouldn't be happening with such frightening regularity if we took the time to reflect upon what we do as a society that evokes such outcomes, rather than choke down some mind-opiate pepto-bismol crap to avoid ever asking ourselves the hard questions to which we may not like the answers.

K

My Vimy Connection

So, anyone from Canada who even took the merest glance at a TV or newspaper over Easter weekend knows that this weekend marked the 90th anniversary of the Battle of Vimy Ridge in France.

Vimy is one of the greatest war memorials in the world, and also happens to be the place where several Loyal Edmonton Regiment soldiers were discovered and repatriated during the ceremony.

My brother also happens to be a member of the Loyal Edmonton Regiment, and as such was chosen as one of the lucky few who had the honor of going to France (and possibly meeting the Queen!) to participate in the huge ceremonies and processions that happened all weekend.

CTV did a lot of coverage for this, and my bro's gf and I were watching on Friday when we spotted him in a video of the events. You gotta scan to about 1:45 into the clip, but there he is, at attention, as the camera pans the crowd. So proud of him :o)

OK. Just had to plug one of those who share my DNA. We're a rare breed, you know ;o)

Cheers,
K


CTV Vimy Video

Fuck Robots, Man has Created His Own Universe!

Wee Bang

I am very into quantum physics right now. Not sure why. I think mostly because I find it mind-bogglingly difficult to understand the specifics, but the implications are phenomenal to work your head around. It's like a spectrum of understanding in our minds: the further apart that science and philosophy get from one another, the closer they appear. That whole "being" issue and all.

Anyways...so I just found out that they created a mini Big Bang. Basically by doing it in reverse to get some hot quarks or something. Not sure what it means, but the concept is terrifying and awe-inspiring at once.

Whoa. It's like, the universe and stuff, maaaaan.

K

Harry Potter and the Torment of Anticipation

The new HP cover was released a few days ago. Whaddaya think? I like it, personally, though I can't help but want to tease out plot details based on the cover art.

Obviously, there's Harry, Hermione and Ron. There also seems to be some sort of treasure involved and a ring that seems to me at least to be sucking them into some sort of vortex. Horcrux? Strange portal in floo network? It reminds me of the dais behind which Sirius Black (he's still alive, dammit!!! I believe! I believe!) disappeared. It's all very mysterious and I am jittering in my chair awaiting July 21st....damnit! Not even April yet!

Awright well.... here's the photo, discuss.

K



ps- Also note the stag on the back cover....hmm? hmmm?

Proud Auntie

For those of you who have an abhorrence of small things or get nauseated at the sight of anything cute, please do not click on the following.

Yesterday I met my new niece, Jessa, and played doting auntie for the entire afternoon. She's so gorgeous! If you look closely, you'll notice how her mum's gussied her all in pink (most likely a reaction to having had 3 boys before, she's girling out!) and that in one of the photos she's swimming in a huge green tunic. That's the wee dress I knit for her. OOoohh.....

ok. I gotta stop now. I'm getting gushy and I believe my estrogen levels just skyrocketed.

Jessa and her cute new dress!
Jessa and Auntie K
Look how tiny!

a F.I.S.T. to the face...

So, on Saturday I decided to take Bettsy up on her offer of joining her and Jess for their semi-weekly step aerobics/FIST class. I had been making fun of Bettsy's whinging regarding how cramped she felt after her classes. I have, however, since eaten my words.

Ow.

It's been two days, and I am walking like a little old man who just made a mess in his pants. Not cool. I realize that F.I.S.T., rather than a snicker-worthy reminder of some sort of BDSM activity, in actuality stands for "F***, I'M SORE TODAY!" It's like tiny little elves have attached themselves to my calves and are stabbing my muscles with little pitchforks and twisting....aaaaaauuughhh.....

Uh oh...cramp....*wincing*

OK. I concede. *whimper*

K

Just because you know it's coming, doesn't mean it doesn't still suck...

Well, I had a feeling this was going to happen. Usually these sorts of things happen in clusters--just ask doctors in hospitals or nurses on ICU wings, they'll probably agree that people die in clusters.

Not that these people have to have any particular relation to you; they just seem to pass all together. Tuesday my coworker's grandmother died and she left yesterday for the funeral in Winnipeg. Yesterday a part-timer who worked on special projects at my office died under "suspicious circumstances." Creepy. So when my phone rang at 7 this morning, I had a feeling about what was on the other end. My mom likes to act as if she's calling to say hi, but she's never been particularly adept and concealing her feelings.

So, yeah. My grandmother died this morning.

We knew it was going to happen. She's been battling cancer for months and her alzheimer's was steadily worsening. In fact, she's lucky to have made it past Christmas. And, as unfortunate as the combination of stomach/lung cancers and dementia may seem, it was really a blessing, as she did not remember her pain for very long as her Alzheimer's grew worse. She got to stay home and died in her own bed, which is a privilege few get to have. That said, though, it still sucks.

I'm the person who takes care of others when something like this (crisis, death, emergency) happens, so I am not blubbery or in shock. I'm sitting at work, trying to keep busy and the most upset I get is when I think of my poor mum and how devastated she sounded on the phone.

It's wierd what you remember of a person when you are faced with the fact that you will never again see them in your lifetime. My grandma was the stereotype of the great granny: baking pies, making delicious stews, and always ready to cuddle, with an ample bosom and enough soft flesh to nuzzle into as a kid and make all the scraped knees and hurt feelings go away.

The thing I remember most is her smell. She wore a flowery perfume, but unlike most flowery perfumes, it never made me want to gag. It was one of the sweetest smells and I always loved when she came to visit because our house would smell like my grandma's perfume. Smell is supposedly the most memory-linked sense, and I believe it. Just the thought of that scent calms me and reminds me of my childhood summers in Quebec.

I find it rather funny (not haha, more hmmm) that this has happened to close to the big dinner I have planned for Steph's 25th birthday. Because even 5 1/2 years later, I can still remember the minutiae that made up the person I loved. For Steph it was how she reacted when I would make her laugh. The grin, then the laugh, then the face turning red and the choked look when she was laughing so hard she could barely breathe, so all that came out was an hysterical hissing noise that just made her laugh all the more.

I recently finished a great book by Kevin Brockmeyer called "The Brief History of the Dead" wherein he uses aspects of African mythology to create an "in-between" land betwixt the living and the dead where the "living-dead" reside. It is much like our world and it is where people go who still exist as memories in the people still alive on Earth. So, in a way, they are still alive.

I like that. Though I am not a religious person and don't have any particular afiliation with the idea of Heaven/Hell/Purgatory/Reincarnation/etc. I think that this is an idea i could get behind. Not limbo, just...thoughts.

Well, I'd better go finish my work before heading home. My boss is going to drive me back to my mum's today. Sweet, no?

Take care,

K

Haiku Plea: Give me Back my Sunshine!

Dear Sun, please return;
My window scene's so dreary.
Miss you, come back soon.

Love,

K

Hey, I'm in the dictionary!

ses·qui·pe·da·li·an /ˌsɛskwɪpɪˈdeɪliən, -ˈdeɪlyən/

adjective Also, ses·quip·e·dal /sɛsˈkwɪpɪdl/

1. given to using long words.
2. (of a word) containing many syllables.

–noun
3. a sesquipedalian word.


[Origin: 1605–15; Latin: sésquipedālis measuring a foot and a half (see sesqui-, pedal) + -an]

How about that? 'Tis a proud moment for me. I never thought there was such a word, but, apparently, there is. And I love it. Such a meaty term, really gives your mouth something to chew on. Which, I suppose, is fitting, given its meaning, no? I will be writing in to dictionary.com to complain about why my profile is not up there next to this. Oh, so delightful. Such a better phrase than "pretensious-wordy-hoity-toity-know-it-all-who-can't-find-anything-better-to-do-with-an-english-degree", you know? It is my new word of the week. I will hug it and stroke it and call it George.

(*snicker*)

MzFitz

MzFitz's 5 Words that Rock:

1)Squeegee
2)Superfluous
3)Sesquipedalism
4)Inflammable
5)Embroglio

Slainte!

Happy St. Paddy's day!

To put you in the mood for some green beer and shenanigans, here are some photos from Baile Atha Cliath (Dublin) and the Hill of Tara in Eire, from 2005. The dude holding the shamrock is St. Padraig himself. It's said that he came to that hill and blessed the island or rid snakes or some such stuff. He's a saint. Just do what he says! *intense look in eye*

hehe.

See you tomorrow,

Ceallach

Tomorrow comes today

Caesar: Who is it in the press that calls on me? I hear a tongue, shriller than all the music cry 'Caesar.' Speak: Caesar is turn'd to hear.

Soothsayer: Beware the Ides of March.

Caesar: What man is that?

Brutus: A soothsayer bids you beware the ides of March.

Caesar: Set him before me; let me see his face.

Cassius: Fellow, come from the throng; look upon Caesar.

Caesar: What sayst thou to me now? Speak once again.

Soothsayer: Beware the ides of March.

Caesar: He is a dreamer; let us leave him: pass.


"Julius Caesar" Act I Scene 5

****

Just thought I'd give y'all a heads up for tomorrow. Moral of the story: if someone is looking out for you, maybe they have a point in what they're saying, even if you dont' wan to hear it. Oh yes, and look out for backstabbers. That is all.

oooooh!

K

"We will have to determine the aquatic nature of the stream"

This is a direct quotation from the Minister of the Environment in response to a question by one of my MLAs. Just thought it was an excellent example of "poli-speak". What, exactly, is the "aquatic nature" of a stream?

Isn't a stream, in essence, aquatic in nature?

What. The. F***. Seriously. These guys must be listening to themselves speak sometimes, right? They can't honestly think that such phrases are meaningful or, even, coherent.

Making fun of them is one of the ways I deal with the stress of being back in Session again. Today I've been super-stressed (work and personal issues coming to the forefront to create some swirling mass of un-awesome) and have been constantly squeezing a little stress ball my boss lent me. Thank god I don't smoke, or I'd be downstairs chuggin' my lungs out right now. Just...4 1/2 more months...just 4 1/2 more months.....


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On to more pleasant posts!

Item the first: March 17th---> St. Paddy's Day

Not sure what's up for this. But, c'mon, I'm Irish....there WILL be beer of some sort involved. And drunken Kelly. And we all know what that means. (Shut up. That was a rhetorical statement, jerks! hehehe....)

Item the second: March 24th---> Steph Power's 25th Birthday Party

So, I came up with this great idea about a year ago to celebrate our dear friend's memory by hosting a huge festivity in honour of her 25th birthday. Friends, family, classmates, etc. However, things got off to a slow start and Steph's parents did not respond to my calls as I had hoped, so that idea got flushed pretty quickly.

However, Lindsay and I have still decided to do something, though a bit more low-key, for that Saturday. I'm thinking I'll book a restaurant (probably Greek...Steph liked Greek food...well, that or I could book us at some sort of Salty-foods restaurant, but I'm not so sure they have those ;o)for the evening and then we could just chill out. If anyone would like to bring pictures or anything, that'd be great. I figure we can reminisce, share stories, laugh and (it's ok if you do) cry and all that good jazz.

I will send out an email when I have solidified the plans.

Lurve,

The Ever-So-Cool-Under-Pressure (ha!)

K

ps - Yellow clothing or accessories for the dinner are mandatory. If you don't own anything yellow, consider getting a daffodil or rose or something pretty and bright. :o) Also, as a special Birthday gift, I thought we could put some money towards THIS

Awww, you GUYS!

*sniffle*

Sorry. Just getting a bit choked up here. I wrote that previous entry just trying to be honest and open about how much I appreciate everything that has happened to me in the past year. And your responses were just a little overwhelming. I am so grateful for your support and love.

I knew I had great friends, but to be reminded of it over the course of a few days still gets me every time.

Yes, I'm a sucker. But I don't care.

K

Moving Forward and Looking Back...

This week marked the anniversary of two major changes in my life: "The Big Breakup" and "Getting a REAL Job".

I look at how the time has quickly passed and realize how much I have grown and changed over the past year (mostly, I hope, for the better ;o)

As pained and insecure as I felt at that time, someone in the dredges of some sort of "beginning of life" existential crisis, caught up in the midst of having my heart broken and my skills and education put to the test in the real world...I have survived and become a much better, saner and (this one I'm positive about) happier person for it.

Two years ago I embarked on my solo Europe trip and spent 6 months finding out who I was (literally, sometimes) from the bottom up, then returned to Edmonton, where I moved back with my family, drifted from temp job to temp job and spent the better part of my time wondering what the fuck happened to me that I became some servile, desperate leech trying to suck dry the last vestigial drops of blood from a stony partner.

(yes, I wallowed a bit. Does it show? hehe)

I also started at a job that wasn't my first choice, but I was knee deep in debt and the thought of a steady paycheque and the opportunity to actually particpate in the workforce was too much to pass up. The first few weeks were a mess that I don't really remember. New situation, new people, new...career, of sorts.

I was a lost soul. I'd look around my room and, quite literally, wonder who the person was that read all the books I once enjoyed, scrawled the notes about my dreams and aspirations and did creative things that inspired me.

I thank all of you who were friends with me at the time (well..you're still friends now) because I honestly think I would have pushed myself out of a moving vehicle had I been stuck listening to my whining drivel daily for weeks on end.

I don't know how or when, but the cloud lifted and suddenly being myself wasn't so difficult anymore. I had found that person I thought I'd lost somewhere, but who had ended up only misplaced and in disuse.

The past year, for all its pain, has been a spectacular one. I have had more ups than downs, despite some very serious family and personal issues. I found my purpose again and that was such a great feeling.

Since last March I have worked steadily at a job that, within 6 months, had created a new position for me and given me a raise to utilize my writing skills, for which I am grateful. Since last March I have rediscovered friends (particularly male ones that somehow fell to the wayside when I got caught up in a relationship) who helped me have fun again: parties, trips and just plain old comeraderie.

I made friends at work with whom i could go out drinking and talk to. Concerts, discovering yoga, volunteering with SONiC, a trip to Europe, new people, flings with hot forgettable boys, fun, rediscovering my art, rediscovering laughter and, most satisfyingly, finding a wonderful place to call my own, where I could swathe the walls in my own personality and reflect back onto myself the person I had begun to worry was a mere memory.

I know this all sounds particularly cheesy and introspective and for that I apologize. But In the past year I learned not only how to be myself again, but how to WANT to be that person again. Because, well...I like me. And I would never want to go back in time and tell that feisty, eager, precocious little girl that, sorry, kid, you turned out a soulless drone. Because, seriously, had I not made the two big changes (and they were, have no doubt, self-made changes) I shudder to think who I would be. Probably no one. Defining myself in terms of an unwillingness to let go of the a memory of someone who, in retrospect, was never really who I thought they were in the first place. A person who thought so little of me as a fellow human being that they couldn't even be bothered to tell me to fuck off and leave them alone.

In the end, I did it myself and I am so happy to be here, with debts being repaid, a cozy place to call my own, lovely friends and a great family that I appreciate all the more for not seeing them day in and day out. Memories of beer and pretzels in Munich, camping trips where I just sat around and laughed with friends, dancing again, being creative again. Wanting, most importantly, to be a writer again. To want to go back to school and become the person who makes a difference that I had always told myself I must be.

Hmm.

365 days isn't that many. But to me, it was just enough.

Thanks for reading. And, if you didn't, thanks for visiting my page anyways and giving this long-winded snooze-fest a pass. I still love you. Take care of yourselves.

Love,

K




PS- two important weekends coming up. Will post details on Paddy's Day and Steph's 25th Birthday Dinner soon!

You're a winner....AND a loser

Sorry I have not posted in the past few weeks. I'd plead off as being too busy but it was more sheer laziness than anything else. Interesting things did occur, travel to lovely Edson, Alberta, drinking, taking in plays, going to the zoo to taunt, erm, learn about monkeys and view the wee bebe monkey (about the size o' your thumb, awesome!)...yep, it's been a full 2 weeks

on the bad side, i found out that not only are we going back for Session on Wednesday, but that, due to the new "open and accountable" blah blah blah from the government, MLAs are going to potentially sit for 75 rather than 50 days. Which means that this Spring could go into June or even *gulp* July. Do you know how much I want to be running shit around at the Legislature when it's 30 degrees out? yeah, zero, that's how much.

anyways, nothing else to report. Just thought I'd share the latest Darwin Awards winner for 2007 because, well...I enjoy taking pleasure in others' pain, that's why. Or, you know...I just need to learn you guys a lesson or something. Besides...it's a good way to segue from my zoo spiel....so, w/o further ADO...

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "S**T happens!"

Congratulations, Friedrich, and I hope they have hot showers in Heaven...phew.

k

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ok. I have to go on a little rant here. But if you'll bear with me, I believe you'll find some enlightenment, or, at the very least, a little perspective.

See...I am a very cynical person. As such, I am usually the one to look on the negative side of things first. However, over the past while ( I can't say whether it's been several months or several years) I have noticed myself gradually growing tired of cynicism. Not that I don't get down about things or depressed. Just that, well...being bitchy about things for the sake of being down I am finding more and more annoying than hilarious.

And so we come to Valentine's Day.

Hating on Valentine's Day, I'm sure, has been around as long as the holiday itself. The sentiment's grown in popularity over the last few years as a way to prove your anti-establishment, damn-the-man kind of post-Hallmark social paradigm. Wow. How very 21st century of you. Love Stinks. Original.

Now, I don't buy into that crass commercialism either. Chocolates and flowers and floppy stuffed bunnies aren't really particularly gratifying. And yes, a day reminding you of your singleton status can be damaging to your self-esteem. However, if that's all you get out of this day, I think you're missing the bigger picture.

My own realization of this fact came last Friday, when one of my coworkers "dared" to bring pink cupcakes and heart-shaped sugar cookies for snacks. Immediately, my coworkers (who, I allow, are usually cynical, brought about most likely by being in politics) began rolling their eyes and sneering their mouths in disdain for the upcoming holiday. This behaviour continued on Monday and only grew on Tuesday.

I could have let this behaviour go, but I decided to call them on it. In the middle of our morning meeting, I asked everyone why they had to get so down on love. I called them no-fun-niks and they had a good chuckle...but there was an underlying truth to what I was trying to tell them.

Why have we lost the love? Do we really think it's healthier and more beneficial to ourselves to make a day celebrating the greatest of human emotions the butt of jokes? Because I don't.

So f***ing what if you don't have a romantic interest? So what if you're single and alone? Using those excuses to shit all over V-Day is such a narrow-minded view of what love is. Love is friendship. Love is your family and your drooly pet dog. Love is being decent and considerate to a total stranger out of some greater "love" for humanity. Love, if you're into that sort of thing, can even be about God (though I don't personally abide by that last one.)

With all these different variations and opportunities for love, you would think we would use this day as a time to step back from our self-involved little worlds for 5 damned minutes and reflect on the love we get and the love we give to others. I guarantee you that there are very few people out there who are truly without love. And even then, there is always opportunity to give or get it. This isn't wishful thinking. This is fact. We are just too caught up in ourselves to acknowledge it. Well. Take the time to do that now. Think of your dumbass cat and that cute little way he has of snuggling in a ball on your lap and purring while you watch TV. Gives you the warm fuzzies, don't it?

My point was proven exactly this morning when I stepped onto the bus (having waiting in the -35C, wind-gusting cold for 15 minutes for it to arrive, my face half-frozen) and glanced up at the bus driver. He greeting me with a large smile and with two large light-up hearts on a headband around his head. He grabbed a pair of heart-shaped goofy glasses and put them on for everyone on the bus to see, and let out a boisterous laugh. When we got off the bus downtown, he turned on the microphone next to his seat and wished us a great Valentine's day. I hopped off the bus with a big grin and a lighter step.

Hmm. How about that?

Love,

K

Friday Giggles

I thought I would share some of the things that made me laugh and helped me get through the week.

Last night I saw the 2006 World's Hottest Commercials at the Garneau with the Peds. Here are some of my favorites:

Smooth E Baby Face Foam: Love Story

Olympus Distorted Dogs

Sci-Fi Channel Bionic Dog Suit

Enjoy,

K

Oh, yes, and just because I think it's adorable, here's a great picture I found online the other day. I love the eyes. They're so pleased with themselves.

My New Baby!

So:

The government decided to let my department in on this nifty "Learning and Wellness" Fund wherein the government will reimburse you up to $500/year on money you spend for gym memberships, courses, computer equipment, etc. This is to encourage you to "better" yourself. There are certain criteria, but mostly, it's free money!

Our benefit kicked in as of January 1st, but our fiscal year-end is in March. Which means, that between now and April, I have $1,000 of your hard-spent tax dollars (suckas!) to put towards my betterment.

I was torn between gym memberships, University courses, etc., but I figured whatever I spent it on, with the money I saved I could just spend my own cash on whatever the fund wouldn't pay for.

So last night, I bought a laptop. Not just any ol' laptop, though. The cutest, most user-friendly damned thing out there.

Voila. Mon bebe. J'adore!

*kissing little apple logo on laptop*

ahhhh.....

K

Stupid laws of physics...*grumble*

(or: "How I spent my Wednesday Night.")

Gather round, kiddies. It's time for one of Auntie K's patented, 100% organic, family-friendly funny stories guaranteed to make you scratch your head and laugh at me.

So...

Ever since I moved into my apartment, I've had issues with my Kitchen Sink. Not so much that I come home every night and the dishes have yet to do themselves (maybe tonight...?) but moreso that the hot water faucet is a piece o' shite. For the past six months, every time I (or my upstairs neighbour, for that matter) turned on our faucet, the pipes would make horrible screeching death sounds, like the pipes were protesting against the scalding they received. Stupid pipes.

My landlord supposedly fixed this problem when we all went without water for a day back in October. Fixed that, right? well....not quite.

See, the other issue with the hot water tap was that the knob tended to need a lot of coaxing to actually get water to come out of it. Scotty P., lovely "helpful" man he is, tried to fix it for me one day, and ended up making it worse. (still love ya, boy, you tried your best!) It has gradually gotten to the point where it now takes two full revolutions of the faucet before water begins to spout from the tap.

Then, about a week ago, the tap stopped working altogether. And no matter how tightly I would twist it, it would drip loud, plopping drips into the kitchen sink. Finally having enough, I tried turning off the valve under the sink. It wouldn't budge. So I got out my trusty toolkit, got my wrench and started pulling with all my might. Finally got it closed....but the water was still coming out. After throwing the wrench at the tap, I pouted for a few minutes, then decided to ignore the problem and sit on my couch to watch TV.

The *drip, drip, drip....PLOP!* did not help matters. I turned up the volume and called my landlord (who doesn't make housecalls after 8pm, figures.) and finally wrapped a towel around the damn thing to at least try to muffle the sounds of dripping.

That way, or so I thought, I could at least get through the night without wanting to gnaw my own face off.

I slept pretty well, all things considered....until about 3 am, when I shifted over to the left side of the bed and the whole side crashed to the floor, jolting me awake.

See, I've got one of those IKEA frames that take the slats, but since I have a boxspring, I figured I didn't need the slats. However, the boxspring having round corners and the bed frame having square ones, if it's not perfectly balanced on the corners...the boxspring will sink into one of the corners. Apparently, last night I was tossing a lot, because the second I flipped to the left, BANG!

I got up and said to myself that there was NO WAY I was fixing my bed at 3am, and huffed off to sleep on the couch.

The I realized that I can't sleep on my couch when there's a comfy bedroom, so I ended up moving a big honkin' mattress and boxspring around, hopefully disturbing my neighbours in the process (loud bastards.)

finally, I lay gingerly atop my bed, and tried to rest, while thinking the lightest, least restless thoughts possible.

And it worked....until 6am, when the bed sunk again.

Stupid bed. Stupid faucet.

K

ha! Take that, Aries!

According to the following webpage, statisticians have discovered a very strong link between a person's zodiac sign and their skills as a driver.

The worst offenders are Librans (ahh! Scary Lexi!), Aquariuses (....wracking brain for friend who is an aquarius) and Aries (dad. yes. he is a bit of a "selfish driver" I'd say)

The best drivers are Leos....aaaand GEMINIs! woot!

Now All I need is a vehicle and I'm a much lesser risk than nearly all you other accident-prone schlubs out there. Buhuhuwahahahaha!

Cheers,

K, the feisty (but cautious) Gemini

Zodiac Signs and Car Accidents

No. F***ing. Way.

Hawkeye, the Scuba-Kitty

Sorry, just had to share. You must see to believe.

K

The Miracle of Life: Instant Delivery Now Available!

Well, happy news, fellow readers! (yes, both of you!)

My stepsister's having her fourth child ( I know!) and my first niece to be born into the family today, at 12:30pm.

It's a scheduled C-section that's come early, as the baby is due in February but is being bumped up due to complications. My SS has been in the hospital for over 10 weeks now (and going a bit stir-crazy, I imagine), where--I found out this morning--she's been given steroids and medications like crazy to make the baby grow faster. Wow, what an age we live in.

Now, not only can we make babies in tubes or make them live after only 4 months in the womb, but apparently we can speed up their maturation so they're not all "preemie-like" upon birth. Whoa. She may still need incubation, but otherwise, we have our fingers crossed that she'll be healthy and well this afternoon.

I guess the part that wierds me out is how scheduled this is. Kinda takes the mystery of life out of it. It's like waiting for a train or something. Clockwork. It's like a birthday appointment. My family is at the hospital as I sit and type this, waiting around for her arrival. It's just....wierd. It's like insta-baby. Poof!

"Here ya go, 12:30 on the dot! We pride ourselves on our punctuality! Never late or your hospital fees free! (Ok, so it's free anyway, but besides that....)"

Anyways, so here's to me being a new auntie in T-minus 2 Hours and 18 Minutes. Can't wait to meet you, Jessa Clara.

Cheers,

K

Well...that was underwhelming...

One flavour that seems to linger in my mouth is the bitter taste of disappointment. And I hate to say it, but the whole "storm of the century" that was supposed to hit yet has left me just a wee mite unimpressed.

Apparently, 1/2 the snowfall of our last storm of the year (in November) and a drop in temperatures = abominable snowmen wreaking havok over the town. Pffft. What a crock.

Stupid blizzard bullsh*t. I was really looking forward to a city rendered unrecognizeable by the snow. Maybe even a day off work from the fact that all the doors were covered in snowhills. Ski bandits making off with people's purses before sliding off to their ice-castle lairs. You know, the usual snowstorm stuff.

*sigh*

K

White-Out

So, the blizzard has hit. Rumours of one of the biggest storms to hit Edmonton in, oh, 20-odd years started earlier on this week. I for one didn't really believe the hype, as even yesterday it was fairly warm and not terribly snowy.

Then I woke up this morning.

Damn, how things can change in a matter of hours! Looking out of my window at work (nearly 9am now) I can barely see the trees 30 feet away from my building. This is exciting! I love blizzards, especially when I can watch them from the snuggly warmth indoors and sip cocoa while scoffing at mother nature. Ha Ha! Ha Ha Ha!

(I'm totally getting smited for that one, let me tell you. I envision my pipes freezing and bursting in my apartment, sigh. Oh well. It was worth the laughter!)

I hope everyone in the city takes it easy over the next few days. Please be super careful on the roads. I heard that most drivers can't see the tail lights of the person in front of them. That's bad. I recommend strapping your dog to a GT Snowracer and mushing him to work for the rest of the week. Ok, maybe your cat, too. After all, you probably haven't lost all that weight from Christmas, and you don't want to tire the poor pup out.

Ok, I have to go to work now. Take care, dress warm, and enjoy the lovely picture of Bonhomme I found online. He looks so damn happy to be out in the snow, doesn't he? Awww....sweet bonhomme. I'll have visions of syrup on snow for the next week now. hehe.

Cheers,

K

Wobblology

Yes, actual braniac scientists received grant money to figure out a mathematical equation for how to balance a wobbly table. Apparently, as long as the surface the table rests on is relatively flat and none of the table legs are significantly shorter than the rest, any table can be de-wobbled without so much as a measely coaster.

Whoa. You hear that? It's millions of minds being blown simultaneously. Or, wait, maybe that's just a giant gasp escaping from people who can't believe somebody actually figured this out. Phew, glad that's over with! Now we can get back to curing AIDS and fixing that wee ozone problem.

Sheesh.

K

ps- Happy new year! I hope you all had a fabulous time!

Wobblology

Mele Kalikimaka!

I'm not sure if that's how you spell it, but it's Hawaii's way to say merry Christmas to you. :o)

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday. Today is my last day at work (woo!) and there's not much going on other than preparing food, eating cookies and drinking leftover wine from our open house. *hic*

May you get all the gifts you long for and have a safe, happy Christmakwanzakkuh!

Also, since I'll be gone until January 2nd, I'd like to wish everyone a happy New Year and I hope that 2007 is even better for you than 2006!

I'd like to thank everyone who was there for me this past year. The first half of the year didn't go so great, it being a year of extreme changes and challenges for me. However, I am so happy to be where I am now that I would not change any of it. Thanks so much for your support and love, and I hope that I have done even half for you what you have done for me over the past year. That goes for everyone!

On that note, may your days be merry and bright and all that jazz.

Cheers,

K

Three Little Pigs Xmas

Ha! Ha Ha Ha Ha!

This is awesome. See, I NEVER watch SNL because it's mostly useless crap, but every now and then they have a rare gem like this that makes it all worthwhile. I nearly peed laughing. I swear, I can picture some of the guys I have met in my lifetime doing this exact thing to some poor girl. Justin Timberlake is surprisingly good at this gig, too. Hmm...earning respect for pop idol? There's something new.

Cheers,

K

Dick in a Box

Because It's Monday and We Could All Use a Little Cheering Up

hehehehehehehehehehehehehe!

Shameless Plug for a Friend...

This is a nifty video of my buddy Mr. Mahe's parcour antics with his partner, Nick. Together they're Flow Dynamic, and are prepping this video to garner attention for the underground sport and to get sponsorship. They've already got Lululemon under their belts, and Mahe's hoping to score a little more cash in Vancouver in a few months.

For those of you unfamiliar with Parcour, here's a little wikipedia info:

Wiki-Cour

This stuff is fantastic!

Cheers,

K

By the Power of Greyskull, I have the Power!!!

Do you ever like to reminisce about your childhood? Do you ever like to recklessly throw yourself back into a sweet sweet bout of nostalgia and indulge your inner child? I know I do.

It's difficult oftentimes when we grow up to face the characters we grew up with. Oftentimes we find that our imaginations made them to be much better than the shoddy animation and stilted dialogue did. Hence, it's always with a bit of caution that I revisit my childhood.

The saddest of all things is, perhaps, realizing that you don't even remember a cartoon show or muppet character whose dialogue you could, once upon a time, recite by rote.

Thankfully, last night was not one of those nights.

I had Bettsy over for Xmas cookies and tree trimming, as me mum purchased a lovely wee Tanenbaum for my apartment. As entertainment during these few hours, Bettsy brought along her newly purchased DVD: She-Ra, Princess of Power (!!!)

Now, She-Ra and He-Man were two of the (albeit fictional) characters that shaped my childhood, and it is scary to think that in one iconoclastic evening, my former dreams could be shattered by the horrendous cheese of it all. To my surprise and delight, however, I was rather impressed by the show. Granted, some of the characters are impossibly lame and the "messages" by that annoying rainbow dude at the end are trite, but overall the quality of the work had not grossly deteriorated over the past 20 years (god, it's been 20 years!!!) The same cannot be said for other favorites of mine, such as Hercules or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles original series. Oh, Donatello, where did your wit go?

Anywho. Just thought I'd take a perambulation through memory lane. I hope everyone is excited for Xmas, which is fast approaching, and that everyone has booked off the 16th of December to come over and party at my place! Woo!

For the Honour of Love, we Have the Power So Can You......

K

Oh....dear....god....

So, if you haven't heard, there's a leadership race happening in the Conservative Party to replace our dearly departed (no, not dead, just gone, thank you jebus!) Premier. They've been campaigning for aeons now, but THIS
was just released by one of the front-runners, Ted Morton.

This is the guy who is so right wing he makes Klein look like a pinko. He's also the guy who introduced a bill to try to get gay marriage blocked in Alberta (contravening the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.)

You have to listen to his theme song. It's ridiculous. And country, of course. Lots o' twang in there, as well as jabs against anything east of Saskatchewan. *eyes rolling*

On the hilarious side, it has been suggested that Tim Horton's adopt this song in a parody for their new ad campaign. I can dig it.

Throwing up in my mouth (just a little)

K

OOh! New Features!

Hello guys and dolls!

Just trying out my new fonts and such on my blogger account. I will have to play around with this stuff.....but after my post!

Hope everyone had a good weekend. It's been a while since my post and I have spent the bulk of my time lazing about trying to cure myself of what ails me. (Not going so hot)

To follow up on the last post, I missed Frank Black (I know! Sad!) because I had the flu. Stupid flu. I will keel you, I swear! White blood cells, ATTACK! (i don't think they respond to orders, but I'll try anything at this point.)

My weekend was very busy, going to sex shows (Taboo sex trade show at the Agricom, not some 25c peep show, perverts!) and barn dances (the Agriculture faculty's annual Bar None for the U of A, where I two stepped and drank and tried very hard to flirt with an adorable cowboy who, in retrospect, was probably too dense to realize I was flirting with him....grrr). That was friday and Saturday.

Saturday was also the day I strapped myself to a snowboard for the first time in 3 (oh my god, three!) years. I went with SONiC, which meant that I got free rentals and a lift pass. Woot! I was rather proud of myself that I didn't fall down the first time back on the hill. I DID fall, however, and felt my brain rattle inside my head as I flipped head over heels. Ouch. The worst part was being schooled by a 6-year-old, who came up to me after my fall and told me flat out, "you're not very good, are you?" I was a little taken aback at this little tart's cheek, but managed to smile and say, "nope, I guess not!" I don't think it helped that she probably assumed I was on a pro snowboarding team, since we were bedecked in our SONiC orange coveralls. That, or an escaped convict, you be the judges!

Sunday was baking day, wherein I got all my Xmas baking done (ok, so it spread a little to Monday, too) and spent the rest of the afternoon smacking my stepdad's hand away from the shortbread. Also went over to Scotty and Lexi's place and played with their new kitten, Nemy. I looooove kittens. I miss them. I want one. Boo.

Otherwise, things be swell. I'm taking up my lunch hour typing this, so I'm going to stop now and get some soup before I waste my entire dinner time!

Until Next Time,

K

ps- Congratulations to Jenna & Sean, who just got engaged last week! I'm so happy for you guys!

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground...

....and there's nothing in it and you'll ask yourself,

"where is my mind? Where is my mind? wheeeere is my mind? Way out in the water, see it swimming?"

Who likes the Pixies? I do!

Guess who's going to see Black Francis (ie: Frank Black)tonight w/ SONiC?

No....really, guess....

Ok, ok, it's ME! Hehehehe.

That is, of course, if I can keep this damned flu under control for the next 10 hours. Otherwise, it's back to bed for me. (This is my daily routine for the past few days, get up, go to work, go home, fall unconscious for next 15 hours, wake up, take decongestant, repeat)

sniffle,

k

For make glorious nation Khazakstan

The new Borat movie opens today.

I saw the preview last night.

Go see it. It is the most obscenely funny movie I have seen in a long, long time. Maybe ever. It will make your eyes bulge in disbelief (did he just say that?....) and tears spurt from laughing so hard.

Seriously. It's awesome. And offensive. So if you're easily offended...you'll just have to get over it and go see the movie anyway.

That is all.

K

HAPPY HALLOWE'EN!!!

I hope everyone has a spook-tacular day today!

I am going home tonight to carve pumpkins and hand out candy to wee minions of the dark lord (buhuhuwahahahahahaha!)

While I don't yet have any pictures of Saturday night's Monster Mash party (where I was actually costumed), I DO have a few from Friday night's Wake at the DU house (premise: place last year's most drunken fratboy in coffin, pour booze over him, have angel and devil fight over his eternal soul while priest/shaman--in this case, mormon--moderates).

Boo, dearies!

*cackle*

K

Party Peeps in the Hizzouse
Swoon!
Soul Wrestling
Cool Cat and Kitties

It Snowed This Weekend!

Ok, I'm probably the only Edmontonian who will admit this (but I can't be the only one who feels this way, otherwise this city would consist of me and a really big, useless mall) but I love winter. All right, so the cold gets to you after a while, but there's nothing more beautiful than a landscape freshly covered in a thick blanket of fresh snow.

While Friday it drizzled/sleeted a bit, I awoke on Saturday to find a winter wonderland outside my window. I did a little happy-dance and decided that I would go for a walk in the white stuff when I had the chance.

Well, here I sit at work (yes, on a Sunday, not enough hours in the week, unfortunately) having trudged through the beautiful river valley, where freshly plowed pathways crisscrossed through swathes of barren trees whose last orange leaves dotted the unblemished snow like exclamation marks. Very pretty. The quiet induced by the insulating snow cover is also nice. It's like, for a few moments, I'm far away from civilization in my own little ice paradise.

Ok. I know, I'm waxing poetic about ice. But seriously, you gotta love it! Maybe on my way home I'll make a snow angel (or, perhaps, in the spirit of All Hallow's Eve, a snow DEVIL...)

Hmm. Now if only I had some maple syrup and a stick....

Luv,

K

Because it's Friday, Pt. 2: Tuesday is the New Friday!

Ok. Tuesday isn't really the new Friday, but I wanted to post something sublimely silly that made me laugh again.

This week is shaping up to be a touch better than the last (mostly because, well, it's nearly hallowe'en! woot!) I've been promoted at work, which means a new office, new (and fewer, ha!) responsibilities and some extra dinero just in time for Xmas. Hurrah! As a celebration and because I'm too busy to think up something clever to write about (brain is slowly dying...must be all those sinus medications I keep mixing with alcohol, oops...haha!)

The following is a picture of my buddy Stephen, who is currently residing in Osaka, Japan to teach English and, more importantly, score with hot Asian babes. (What? He wouldn't contradict me on that front) Now, most westerners are a little shocked when they go over and realize that, for the most part, they are waaaay bigger than their Japanese counterparts. For Steve, however, that goes double because, well...he's about double the size of the average Japanese person. He's about 6'5" (over 2m tall, for those of you imperially-challenged) and has the size to go with the height. The following are some of the funniest things I've seen in a while (many thanks to Steve who, while not having given me express permission to post these, I will assume doesn't mind as: a) you can't see his face and b) the more famous he gets, the more bitches he can score with, so the way I see it, I'm pimpin' him out!)


Steve's Apartment

Steve, In his apartment

Because It's Friday...

This has been a rough week, and I'm sure many of you can empathize.

So, to cheer everyone, I've included one of the funniest things I have ever encountered. But first, the prelude!

While in Paris, I was browsing through a bunch of sightseeing pamphlets at the hotel we were staying in. Though most were your run-of-the mill bus and walking tours, I came across THIS
and nearly pissed myself laughing.

Yes. What you see there is, in fact, a City Segway Tour. Now, not only is the thought of putzing around Paris on a dorky-looking segway humorous, but they actually include pictures (see below) of tourists looking so....painfully...tourist-y that I couldn't help but grab the pamphlet and show everyone I saw! I mean, not only is there a group of them milling about the Louvre, but they're all middle-aged, carrying 2-tonnes worth of video recording equipment, wearing pleated khakis and (worst of all) safety helmets. Seriously. All they would need to complete the picture would be some sandals and socks pulled up to the Knee.

And of course, the best way to experience the full hilarity of such a ridiculous exercise? Why, to actually GO ON a Segway tour of Paris, of course! I begged my travelling companions to sign up, extolling the virtues of such an adventure, such as:

- looking like complete assholes on segways
- completely pissing off every Parisian within eyeshot
- quite possibly getting run over in the streets by crazed Parisian motorists
- taking the piss out of any serious travellers on Segways that we saw

They shot down my idea, which I was very disappointed about. My brother brought up the fact that, in our week in Paris, we did not see ONE SINGLE PERSON on a Segway and took that as an indication of how "cool" it was. But that's the entire POINT of such an exercise: being as supremely un-cool as possible so that you might regale your friends with tales of your utter stupidity at a later date!

I discussed this event with the girls while performing our Thursday Night Ritual (ie: drinks and Grey's Anatomy) and Miss Betts and Blythe were in perfect agreement that, should we ever go to Paris together, we must indulge in this most heinously tacky activity. Why climb Everest? Because it's there. Why take a Segway tour of the City of Lights? Because you can't NOT!




I hope you got a giggle like I did,

k

Art (Parental Advisory Warning: Nudity)

Dragon Nude
Lounging Nude
Seated Nude

Et....voila!

Aren't they gorgeous?

(special Thanks to M.Mahe, who is the talented hand behind these)
k

They Blinded me with Science (Science!)

What, pray tell, is dear Miss Fitz doing quoting from bad 80s new wave? Why...explaining my weekend of fun, sillies!

This weekend was rather spectacular. Not that I did anything terribly exciting, it was just...well...really really fun!

Friday was Miss Tacky Berry's med-school bar star night, so Bettsy and I accompanied her to Stolli's. At the ripe old age of 24, having been legally able to frequent such establishments for a pithy 6 years, I must humbly admit that my heart is no longer into the club scene. Seriously. Bettsy and I kept looking at each other as rude drunks barrelled past us and spilled cheap drinks on my pretty new shoes. (my new ruby slippers! they're fab!)

Saturday was waaaay more fun. Bettsy, Mr. Mahe and I went to the Space and Science Centre (!!!) for a night of fun any 6-year-old would envy! I hadn't been there in ages, and man, it was even more fun than I remembered! The exhibits are really cool now, because they're all interactive, so you can do things like try to pump blood like a heart or solve a crime using DNA analysis and all that cool stuff. It was rad! I think my personal favorite was the "gross" section, where you could play "Mary had a Little Lamb" with fart noises. Yes, it was a learning smorgasbord!

hehe.

Yesterday I experienced something very unique that, while intimidating at first, was something I really enjoyed in the end and am very glad for the experience. In short, I posed for my good buddy Mahe's ink-drawings of the human figure. And damn, do they look good. I will be uploading the pictures of the drawings as soon as he sends them to me. They're gorgeous.

Oh yes....and did i mention, they are nudes?

*giggle*

K

Dear God, why?!

So I was googling myself the other day (i know, my grandma said it would make me go blind, but hey, I can't help it! A girl's got needs!hahaha!)

Ahem. Sorry. I need a moment to just sit and reflect on my own hilariousness. (because none of you will do it, nonono)

Ok, anyways, so I found me (the real me, not some other Miss Fitz who sells cheese on eBay or something) and a few articles I had written a couple of years back for my University newspaper. One of them (my last, in fact) is on Che Guevara. Yes, THAT Che Guevara. I know that some people love him, and I won't discuss at the moment why that is 20 shades of uncool in this particular forum. I will, however, share with you my recent experience in France, where, amongst the goofy tourist items like mini-Eiffel towers and felt berets, there were (inexplicably) t-shirts with french lettering on them that had his (handsome) mug on them.

What the fuck is that?

What the hell does Che Guevara have to do with France?

This little bit of idiocy, while annoying,was a big validation in that, 3 years on, my writing is still as relevant as it was when it was published.

Warning: If you love Che Guevara, own the T-shirt or in any way adulate this freedom fighter...don't click on this link. Seriously.

Viva la Revolution!

Have a pleasant weekend, everyone!

K

A Few Photos of Paris

This is by no means the best or all of what we have, but it's a little taste for your viewing "plaisir".

A bientot!

K

Ah, Europe, How I love Thee, Let me Count the Ways....

Hello boys and girls!

Sorry about my lack of blogging, but I have just returned from an incredibly awesome trip to Europe and, quite frankly, couldn't be bothered with keeping up on my blogger account. (Especially considering that it costs about 1 euro every 30 minutes for internet time)

The trip was awesome and I will post links for pictures as soon as we have them downloaded of my brother's camera.

London I enjoyed much more than last trip, though I would recommend everyone stay the hell away from Mme Tussaud's. Not that the wax figures aren't cool. Only that they're not worth the exhorbitant cost of entry.

Paris was fantastic, everything there was larger than life and built to impress. The price of food was ridiculous, so we got very good at eating baguettes and cheese in the park rather than attempting to dine in a brasserie.

Munich was a drunken good time, and that about sums up my trip. I'll give more details when I have the chance, though I'm sure most of you are caught up with the emails I sent out during my trip.

I met some wonderful American and Australian friends, as well as a few adorable Aussie boys (though we won't be divulging any details on THAT anytime soon).

I'll keep you posted as to my picture uplinks, but from the few I've seen, I think they'll be rather impressive.

Cheers,

K

Psychedelic Fun Times

Had a very good night last night, even if it meant getting to bed by 2am. *yawn* Sleepiness at work is worth it, though!

Met up with Marc & Yolande for beers (having walked through the pouring rain to get to the bar, but the lightning was fantastic!) then Yo and I headed to the Starlite room to see the Brian Jonestown Massacre.

I really like these guys, and the chances of them coming to Edmonton often are slim to none, so I jumped at the chance to go, even if it means an even tighter wallet over the next few days. Ah well.

They had an awesome set. Considering that I don't know most of their material, it amazed me that I really got into every song they played. Not one boring moment or so-so song. They were all fantastic! Sadly, I never got to see an encore, as Yolande and I left the concert before the end of the set. Not sure how long they continued, but we left after about 2 hours and they showed no signs of stopping. I have never seen a band play continuously for so long. They must have been exhausted, but they sounded terrific!

I fell in love with this band after watching the documentary "Dig!" a few years back. If you haven't seen it yet, rent it. Even though the POV is rather skewed, you get to see these guys perform, and trust me, it's worth it!

I had a sneaking feeling at the concert that I was going to have a run-in with the ex, as we both discovered the band together. True to form, he was there with his new ladyfriend. Didn't see her, but saw him behind me and smiled. We chatted halfway through the concert, gave some hugs, very cool and mature. Yo brought me a drink after that, and I think I needed it! Helped me focus on the concert rather than pick at that nasty emotional scab again.

But I digress....in summation: 1) bjm good; 2) mmj not as good; 3)tuesday night concert at the starlite, priceless.

Treadmills + Rock = wow

For those of you who no longer watch MuchMusic/MTV or who haven't been to www.youtube.com lately, here's a great video from OK Go! Called "Here it goes again." It's 3:03 minutes of pure brilliance! (well, brilliance and good coordination!)

I LOOOOOOVE this video! *claps hands giddily* there's no way you can watch this and not smile!

Here it goes again

My Very Excellent Mother Just Sent Us Nine....

What?! sent us nine What?!?! See! Now my mnemonic device is all screwed up! Way to go, Scientists!!!

"Mad" Scientists determine that Pluto not good enough to be a planet. Poor Pluto. Let us all Mourn for Pluto.

Wondering, "where did the love go?"

K

MMMMmmmmm.....Candy Corn.......*gargle*....

I love candy corn. If we're talking candy--and I mean all that sugary junk that excludes anything with chocolate in it, which in itself is a COMPLETELY different ballgame--I believe that candy corn just may be my all time favorite sweet. I know a lot of people think it's gross. Maybe it's the nearly gag-inducing sweetness, or the fact that once you eat one, suddenly an entire 1-lb. bag is gone and you're sitting there nearly comatose wondering when that ol' insulin-making machine in your tummy's going to conk out. Perhaps this is knowledge best left in the realm of mystery, like the secret of the caramilk bar, or something. Either way, these things are tasty.

Why am I talking about Candy Corn? Well, because I saw some at Save-On-Foods while I was grocery shopping, that's why. Now it would seem odd to some people that don't eat candy corn why I would make a big deal out of this. But for cc afficionados like me, you know that the corn's been on the downswing of late, and is becoming as elusive as those little orange-wrapped hallowe'en toffees that no one eats except me, seemingly. But, lo, there they were, thousands of bright, tiny bits of deliciousness, just sitting in a bulk bin waiting for someone to come eat them. And i felt that I was up to the task.

Ok. So it's a little sad that it's the middle of August and they're already selling Hallowe'en Candy. But really, when it tastes this damned good, who gives a shit?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go munch myself into a sugar-stupor.

K

Decisions = ARGH!!!!

While taking all this "time off" (ie: lazing about for a few years) between school and "the rest of my life" (ie: getting on with it, already)I figured that, somehow, inspiration would come to me and I would magically have a decision on what I would like to do with my life all sorted out and a path clearly demarcated for me on which I could go along on my merry way.

Naive? perhaps. Hopeful? Definitely. Happening? Not a chance!

So I've decided to take my life into my own hands (what a novel concept) and have been dipping my toes online into programs of interest and what I need do over the next year or two to make these dreams happen. Of course, with all my life's choices (I blame it on being a Gemini, as I am naturally of two minds about everything) I can't make a damned decision to save my life.

"But you have lots of time to decide," you'll say.

Aha. But that's what I tell myself, and lo and behold, 2008 will be here and I will still be an office bitch down at the ol' Legislature. Luckily, I've got a few ideas kicking around. Perhaps you all can help me decide, since having the opinions of others who know me well may aid in my ultimate and glorious return to the world of academia.

There are 3 main options for me:
1) Publishing at Simon Fraser (which would require mucho prerequisite studies, as I am clueless at the business side, though I could learn) Publishing Page
2) Journalism at either Ryerson or Carleton (I'm leaning towards Carleton, but only b/c I love Ottawa) Communications and Journalism
3) Masters of English

Help me out. Cast your vote!

K

What a difference a year makes....

This time last August I was wrapping up my solo UK tour and had left my adopted home of Dublin for good. I was thinking about this the other day as I paid the final amount on my September Europe trip with Jaboy, Nobis and Megs. As I was waiting at the counter for the girl to verify my flights, there was another girl next to me who was signing up for a SWAP (Student Work Abroad Program) trip. I couldn't help but listen in to see where she was going. She told the woman behind the counter that she had been contemplating the UK, but had decided on Ireland.

Suddenly my heart leapt up and I got a little giddy at the thought. I haven't thought about Ireland in ages. Partly to try and forget the lousy and stressful times, and partly because I've become re-settled into Canadian life again. However, seeing this girl totally brought everything back. The excitement and anticipation, the wonder of a new place, getting your Visa all set up and telling yourself that, "this is it! I'm going!" It's a thrill I had totally forgotten about.

I interrupted the girl's conversation and told her that I had lived there last year. I was really enthusiastic about it and we chatted for 10 minutes about places to go, things to see, advice, etc. I gave her my email addy and told her to write to me if she had any questions or wanted a place to stay or people to meet up with in Dublin. Strangely, this gave me pangs. I can't believe I actually MISSED the place until I met someone who was at the beginning stage of a trip. Ahh....how things change...

K

Happy Birthday, Bernie!

"Some look at things that are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were and ask why not?" (George Bernard Shaw)

For those of you unawares (and I'm assuming that's everyone)today is the 150th anniversary of playwright, wit, utopian socialist, nobel-laureate and all-around genius George Bernard Shaw's birth.

Being an English BA-holder and one-time Dubliner, I felt it was right to pay a brief tribute to the Irishman who brought the snide remark and bon mot to a new level.

I love witty writers and GBS is one of my favourites. If I could (will?--here's hoping!)leave a written legacy, I would want my words to be as insightful, sparklingly intelligent and bitingly ironic as his.

Slainte, GB.

K
*******************************************************************

George Bernard Shaw once found himself at a dinner party, seated beside an attractive woman. "Madam," he asked, "would you go to bed with me for a thousand pounds?" The woman blushed and rather indignantly shook her head.
"For ten thousand pounds?" he asked. "No. I would not." "Then how about fifty thousand pounds?" he contined.

The colossal sum gave the woman pause, and after further reflection, she coyly replied: "Perhaps." "And if I were to offer you five pounds?" Shaw asked.

"Mr. Shaw!" the woman exclaimed. "What do you take me for!?"

"We have already established what you are," Shaw calmly replied. "Now we are merely haggling over the price."

Tell me about the rabbits, George...

Having recently moved to a fabulous part of town a few weeks ago, I have been venturing into the renowned River Valley on a daily basis, usually on my walks to and from work. It never ceases to amaze me how such lush nature can be smack dab in the middle of a city and yet during rush hour the only thing I can hear on my way to work is squirrels and the *ding, ding!* of bikers as they pass. It's pretty sweet. I have seen quite a few interesting creatures I don't normally get the opportunity to see living in an apartment block. My very first walk I saw what I believe to be some sort of woodpecker, though being the expert ornithologist I am, it could very well have been a lark or something. Definitely not an owl or a magpie (wicked, evil magpies... sorry, bad experiences with magpies, specifically them ganging up on my dog back in the day...nevermind...)

The most common friend I see every morning, however, is the jackrabbit. Now, Edmonton is renowned for its near-pestilence numbers of rabbits of all shapes and sizes. You can barely turn the corner (even in the most developed areas) without stumbling upon a bushy white tail. I loves the bunnies. They're so cute, though somewhat skittish. Even the Leg, where I work, is littered (no pun intended) with them. Except these little buggers are damn near fearless. There's one I've dubbed "Bob" who is always munching grass outside of the front door of my building. Usually I walk past and he trots away under a bush, but the other day I didn't see him and nearly tripped over him on my way in the building! Tripped! On a bunny! And he just kept on munching grass and looking adorable. Damn bunnies. I love them. Now if I could only tame one and fit it into my apartment somehow....

Debauched

Friday night I packed up my bathing suit, hot dogs and a 26 of rum and headed up to Mahe's Hut for a weekend of sea-dooing and shenanigans. And what shenanigans. Let me explain:

So we arrive at thunder lake around 9, where we begin the weekend by[CENSORED!]until about midnight, then decide to go for a [CENSORED!]which was my first time ever and was very fun and freeing. There were a lot of photos taken. Saturday was a beach bash, barbecue, then an hour-long kegstand competition, follwed by the most ridiculous and subversive group [CENSORED!]after which I was very tired. Nearly [CENSORED!]but, thankfully, was sober enough not to.

Returned home yesterday absolutely exhausted. Hope there are no photos of me lurking on the internet at this point. And if they are, I hope I get some of the proceeds from the "drunk girls acting retarded" videos they're sure to turn up on. *shaking head* what a weekend. ...

I can't wait to do it again in August!

hahaha.

Cheers,
K, not quite as innocent as I was a week ago.

Pvt. Fitz Reporting for Duty....

Hey all! Sorry about the time span between posts, but I've been rather busy. I can't believe the week I've had: it's felt like 10! Had a nice long 4-day weekend to move. Packed on Friday, moved in on Saturday and was pleasantly surprised to have a BUNCH of friends come over and help. Seriously, you guys are awesome. I am pleased. Now here's a cookie.

(hehe)

My baseless fear that I would be relegated to loneliness living on my own has not come to fruition. If anything, I'm busier right now than I've ever been....and it's gonna get even busier now, because I have been recruited into the Army.

The Sonic Intern Army, that is.

Yep, I had my mum (yes, mum, I don't have a car, okay?!) drive me to the Used Hubcap District, where I sat with the cool kitties and learned all about volunteering for this wicked-ass radio station and getting free passes to events such as, oh, concerts, movies, the usual. Hee hee hee!

I'm gonna start off slow, see how much time I can commit to it, but I'm pretty sure I'll be doing it often: it looks like such fun!

Anyways, that's about it for the update. Lots of other stuff happened this weekend, but I'm tired from the move/coming down with the sniffles and I need my rest so that I can go out and get right wasted this weekend at my dear friend Marc's cabin. Booya!

K

HOME FREE!!!

Squeal-worthy news annoucement in 5....4.....3....2....

oh, what the heck!

I've got a place to live!!!

Yes, that's right. I finally have an apartment all to my lovely self. Many of you will recall how I was going to move in with Ms. Betts' roomie, Y.C., when Bettsy vacated the premises. Unfortunately, that didn't happen and both of them are unsure where they're moving,what's happening with the lease, etc. So, on the off chance that I'd find something half decent, I went to look at some apartments on Monday. The first one was decent and right downtown, 10 minutes from work. It was a little pricy at $600, especially when the bedroom could barely fit a double bed. Ouch.

Second place I looked at was with mum (yes, I took my mum, shut up)and was right near the river valley and in close proximity to Whyte and downtown. And it was awesome! There's no balcony (bsmt suite) and I can't get a kitty (yet....hehehe) but it's HUGE and clean and nearly $100 cheaper than the first place I looked at. I signed an application form, just for the heck of it, and I was accepted yesterday. So tomorrow I go to sign my lease and drop off my first cheques, and I'm in as of July 1st!!!! yah!

Now, as July 1st is a holiday, I don't think I'll be doing much moving that day. Maybe some cleaning, and perhaps have everyone over to my empty flat to see my space and drink some beer. We could even watch the fireworks from Saskatchewan drive. Sweet, no? Of course, if anyone's free on Sunday (July 2) I'd very much appreciate some help moving furniture (wink, nudge).

Okay, ttfn.

K

Sometimes you run the wheel, other times, the wheel runs you...

At the best of times, my attention span/short term memory is somewhere between goldfish and Einstein-like hamster. Today I fell off the wheel while chatting on MSN (work? what work?....oh, THAAT work. Meh. I'll do it later) with the Lovely Bettsy, whose convocation from Uni is today (congrats!) I had offered my congratulations and we had barely continued the conversation, when she had to leave. When I asked for where, I received as blank a stare as one can receive when chatting online and immediately offered up my apologies for being so dense. I am so retarded sometimes. No, wait, that's an insult to retarded people. *sigh*

Just thought I'd share that with you, so that you might laugh at me as much as Bettsorama did.

Cheers,
K

Squirrel Ninja Defense

So, for those of you who know me well (or have been around me more than 5 minutes) you'll know that I have a rather great(some would say "unhealthy") fondness for squirrels. Perhaps the only thing i'm fonder of, in fact, would be monkeys. (hehe, just saying the word makes me giggle.)

So you can imagine my surprise and glee when i discovered this kokanee advertisement sitting on my table at a pub a few weeks ago! So, of course, I swiped it. (Respect for bar property has never been something I've been terribly fond of).

Add to the squirrels the fact that it involves Ninjas--the pinnacle of radness--and you've got yourself a near-perfect advert. Enjoy.

i Must be Craze-ay!

Okay, everyone who HASN'T heard of Gnarls Barkley, raise their hand.....anyone?

That's right. They are the shiznit, and I hereby declare "crazy" my mojo music for the summer. Their album makes me think of Moby's 'play', except with Marvin Gaye overtones instead of 30's gospel music. Either way, it equals awesomeness!!!

That, and anyone who dresses up in bowler hats and white suspenders and drinks moloko is alright with me. Yarbles!*



*(ps - if you don't understand what i'm talking about, I recommend you go out and borrow Anthony Burgess' "A Clockwork Orange" from your local library immediately)