Thursday, January 25, 2007

Stupid laws of physics...*grumble*

(or: "How I spent my Wednesday Night.")

Gather round, kiddies. It's time for one of Auntie K's patented, 100% organic, family-friendly funny stories guaranteed to make you scratch your head and laugh at me.


Ever since I moved into my apartment, I've had issues with my Kitchen Sink. Not so much that I come home every night and the dishes have yet to do themselves (maybe tonight...?) but moreso that the hot water faucet is a piece o' shite. For the past six months, every time I (or my upstairs neighbour, for that matter) turned on our faucet, the pipes would make horrible screeching death sounds, like the pipes were protesting against the scalding they received. Stupid pipes.

My landlord supposedly fixed this problem when we all went without water for a day back in October. Fixed that, right? well....not quite.

See, the other issue with the hot water tap was that the knob tended to need a lot of coaxing to actually get water to come out of it. Scotty P., lovely "helpful" man he is, tried to fix it for me one day, and ended up making it worse. (still love ya, boy, you tried your best!) It has gradually gotten to the point where it now takes two full revolutions of the faucet before water begins to spout from the tap.

Then, about a week ago, the tap stopped working altogether. And no matter how tightly I would twist it, it would drip loud, plopping drips into the kitchen sink. Finally having enough, I tried turning off the valve under the sink. It wouldn't budge. So I got out my trusty toolkit, got my wrench and started pulling with all my might. Finally got it closed....but the water was still coming out. After throwing the wrench at the tap, I pouted for a few minutes, then decided to ignore the problem and sit on my couch to watch TV.

The *drip, drip, drip....PLOP!* did not help matters. I turned up the volume and called my landlord (who doesn't make housecalls after 8pm, figures.) and finally wrapped a towel around the damn thing to at least try to muffle the sounds of dripping.

That way, or so I thought, I could at least get through the night without wanting to gnaw my own face off.

I slept pretty well, all things considered....until about 3 am, when I shifted over to the left side of the bed and the whole side crashed to the floor, jolting me awake.

See, I've got one of those IKEA frames that take the slats, but since I have a boxspring, I figured I didn't need the slats. However, the boxspring having round corners and the bed frame having square ones, if it's not perfectly balanced on the corners...the boxspring will sink into one of the corners. Apparently, last night I was tossing a lot, because the second I flipped to the left, BANG!

I got up and said to myself that there was NO WAY I was fixing my bed at 3am, and huffed off to sleep on the couch.

The I realized that I can't sleep on my couch when there's a comfy bedroom, so I ended up moving a big honkin' mattress and boxspring around, hopefully disturbing my neighbours in the process (loud bastards.)

finally, I lay gingerly atop my bed, and tried to rest, while thinking the lightest, least restless thoughts possible.

And it worked....until 6am, when the bed sunk again.

Stupid bed. Stupid faucet.


Monday, January 22, 2007

ha! Take that, Aries!

According to the following webpage, statisticians have discovered a very strong link between a person's zodiac sign and their skills as a driver.

The worst offenders are Librans (ahh! Scary Lexi!), Aquariuses (....wracking brain for friend who is an aquarius) and Aries (dad. yes. he is a bit of a "selfish driver" I'd say)

The best drivers are Leos....aaaand GEMINIs! woot!

Now All I need is a vehicle and I'm a much lesser risk than nearly all you other accident-prone schlubs out there. Buhuhuwahahahaha!


K, the feisty (but cautious) Gemini

Zodiac Signs and Car Accidents

Thursday, January 18, 2007

No. F***ing. Way.

Hawkeye, the Scuba-Kitty

Sorry, just had to share. You must see to believe.


Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The Miracle of Life: Instant Delivery Now Available!

Well, happy news, fellow readers! (yes, both of you!)

My stepsister's having her fourth child ( I know!) and my first niece to be born into the family today, at 12:30pm.

It's a scheduled C-section that's come early, as the baby is due in February but is being bumped up due to complications. My SS has been in the hospital for over 10 weeks now (and going a bit stir-crazy, I imagine), where--I found out this morning--she's been given steroids and medications like crazy to make the baby grow faster. Wow, what an age we live in.

Now, not only can we make babies in tubes or make them live after only 4 months in the womb, but apparently we can speed up their maturation so they're not all "preemie-like" upon birth. Whoa. She may still need incubation, but otherwise, we have our fingers crossed that she'll be healthy and well this afternoon.

I guess the part that wierds me out is how scheduled this is. Kinda takes the mystery of life out of it. It's like waiting for a train or something. Clockwork. It's like a birthday appointment. My family is at the hospital as I sit and type this, waiting around for her arrival. It's just....wierd. It's like insta-baby. Poof!

"Here ya go, 12:30 on the dot! We pride ourselves on our punctuality! Never late or your hospital fees free! (Ok, so it's free anyway, but besides that....)"

Anyways, so here's to me being a new auntie in T-minus 2 Hours and 18 Minutes. Can't wait to meet you, Jessa Clara.



Thursday, January 11, 2007

Well...that was underwhelming...

One flavour that seems to linger in my mouth is the bitter taste of disappointment. And I hate to say it, but the whole "storm of the century" that was supposed to hit yet has left me just a wee mite unimpressed.

Apparently, 1/2 the snowfall of our last storm of the year (in November) and a drop in temperatures = abominable snowmen wreaking havok over the town. Pffft. What a crock.

Stupid blizzard bullsh*t. I was really looking forward to a city rendered unrecognizeable by the snow. Maybe even a day off work from the fact that all the doors were covered in snowhills. Ski bandits making off with people's purses before sliding off to their ice-castle lairs. You know, the usual snowstorm stuff.



Wednesday, January 10, 2007


So, the blizzard has hit. Rumours of one of the biggest storms to hit Edmonton in, oh, 20-odd years started earlier on this week. I for one didn't really believe the hype, as even yesterday it was fairly warm and not terribly snowy.
Then I woke up this morning.
Damn, how things can change in a matter of hours! Looking out of my window at work (nearly 9am now) I can barely see the trees 30 feet away from my building. This is exciting! I love blizzards, especially when I can watch them from the snuggly warmth indoors and sip cocoa while scoffing at mother nature. Ha Ha! Ha Ha Ha!
(I'm totally getting smited for that one, let me tell you. I envision my pipes freezing and bursting in my apartment, sigh. Oh well. It was worth the laughter!)
I hope everyone in the city takes it easy over the next few days. Please be super careful on the roads. I heard that most drivers can't see the tail lights of the person in front of them. That's bad. I recommend strapping your dog to a GT Snowracer and mushing him to work for the rest of the week. Ok, maybe your cat, too. After all, you probably haven't lost all that weight from Christmas, and you don't want to tire the poor pup out.
Ok, I have to go to work now. Take care, dress warm, and enjoy the lovely picture of Bonhomme I found online. He looks so damn happy to be out in the snow, doesn't he? Awww....sweet bonhomme. I'll have visions of syrup on snow for the next week now. hehe.

Thursday, January 04, 2007


Yes, actual braniac scientists received grant money to figure out a mathematical equation for how to balance a wobbly table. Apparently, as long as the surface the table rests on is relatively flat and none of the table legs are significantly shorter than the rest, any table can be de-wobbled without so much as a measely coaster.

Whoa. You hear that? It's millions of minds being blown simultaneously. Or, wait, maybe that's just a giant gasp escaping from people who can't believe somebody actually figured this out. Phew, glad that's over with! Now we can get back to curing AIDS and fixing that wee ozone problem.



ps- Happy new year! I hope you all had a fabulous time!