Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Bebe Squirrel Monkey

Baby squirrel monkey at the Edmonton Zoo!


So, our zoo's pretty sad and lame. There's been a lot more press recently about the state of Lucy, our much-troubled and ballyhooed elephant, than on anything good happening there. It's not a great zoo, but there are some decent exhibits available. The monkeys are particularly nice. And the squirrel monkeys are the cutest. See?

Click here to read the story at the Edmonton Journal.

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Chunky Monkey

Mmmm...ice cream. I love ice cream. And chocolate. Cakes. Warm bread. Food in general, really. I'll admit at the outset that this post is more chunky than monkey, chunk being a personal bane for the past several years.

Our lives are defined by the relationships we foster within them. Just because food doesn't love us back doesn't mean we don't have a relationship with it. It's how we nourish ourselves, excite our tastebuds, indulge in a treat or seek refuge in the memories it evokes.

I've never had a bad relationship with food. Ok, so I have a sweet tooth. A MEGA sweet tooth. As a youth, as long as tooth decay wasn't an issue, I felt free to indulge. As I get older and more sedentary (the proof is in the ass-groove I create daily at my desk) however, I have been forced to reevaluate my relationship and decide whether it's really mutually-beneficial or if someone's getting the caloric shaft.

Several months ago, I was working really diligently to get myself back into shape, participating in 8 weeks of bootcamp. Very proud. Didn't quite match it with the diet, particularly when Christmas came around and the urge to indulge grew too great. Several weeks later, I'm worried about reverting to my pre-fit state, and am trying to grow conscientous of my food intake, not only for my health, but for my pants size. It's a battle I've spent most of my time ignoring, until of course I realized that I was unhappy with how I looked and wanted to improve by losing the belly that had developed over years of over-imbibing and still eating like a university student.

My sort-of resolution this New Year's (not a true one, just more of a timely "now's as good a time as any" decision) is to wean my body off the daily doses of christmas cookies, chocolates and rum-infused eggnog and reintroduce myself to carrots and broccoli. My biggest issue is trying to make that seem appealing and interesting, because I am at pains to feel that way naturally. Keeping up my fitness is also important, as it will compliment the diet and help me not feel bad about all that effort wasted.

By the end of my bootcamp, I could do 30 burpees in a row. I started off with barely 10. I don't want to go back to that place where I'd rather die than do a pushup. But encouraging myself to make it a full lifestyle change, as opposed to a weeklong fast or 6-week workout session, will be the true challenge.

Sigh. Hand me the rice cakes.

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Christmas Monkey

It's important to count my blessings this Christmas, as I have so many:

• A great job with a good organization that lets me do the kind of work I enjoy and am good at. (and pays well, too!)
• A home of my own, with my very own kitty to terrorize me and try to tear the home apart
• A family that loves me and supports me in everything I do
• Ditto friends
• My health, particularly now that I'm starting to work out regularly again
• A new man who makes me happier than I thought I could be, and better than I thought I deserved
• An education that's almost done, and with nearly straight A's (and with help paying from work, another bonus to my job)
• The privilege to live in a place where I can do, say and think what I want, when I want

and perhaps most importantly:

A Christmas tree that hasn't yet fallen down, thanks to the miracle of fishing wire and a handy mum. 

Merry Christmas, everybody! 

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: The Monkees

"Here we come walkin' down the street/we get the funniest looks from everyone we meet...

HEY HEY WE'RE THE MONKEES!!!"

...and people say they monkey around.

The 60s Beatles knock-off, pushing 50 years old now (holy crap!) may have been more manufactured than the New Kids, but had some rather catchy songs. The only musically talented one was Mike, and he was the least popular. I was always a Davey Jones fan when I watched this as a kid. I think it was the British accent and the dimples. So adorable.

Fave Monkees song? Hmm....I'd probably choose "Daydream Believer." Might have been "I'm a Believer", but I think the Smash Mouth cover ruined it for me. Damn you, Shrek soundtrack!

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Aba Daba Honeymoon

If you weren't born a hundred years ago, you may not be familiar with this song, which was written in 1914 and is best known for a 1950 Debbie Reynolds movie I have never seen.

Which begs the question: how in the hell do I know this song?

From my childhood, of course. It's one of those ridiculously catchy nonsensical tunes my mom used to sing to me, as her mom used to sing it to her when she was a child growing up in the '50s.

It's a cute ditty about two monkeys in love. What's not to like?

"And the big baboon one night in June, he married them and very soon they went upon their aba dabba honeymoon!"

Classic.

Hear the song

Read the lyrics

Happy Birthday, On the Origin of Species

This is for all the monkeys, and their uncles.

Yep, ol' Darwin sure knew how to write 'em, and keep them in the public consciousness long after his own trip on that Beagle in the sky. Or something.

The funny thing, of course, is that it's STILL as controversial as ever, with fundamentalist sorts taking offence to being related to apes (I'm sure, in all fairness, that the gorilla isn't altogether thrilled to be related to you either, bub) and decrying OOS as atheist blather or--worse--the work of the devil.

Since I don't believe in a personal god, myself, I'm free to believe in this evolution stuff without wrestling over what it says about my faith. That said, I don't think that understanding evolution and having faith in god(s) are incongruent. You can believe that since God made monkeys and you, that it's just a big happy family situation that the Bible left out in favour of golden calves and other fun stuff.

Or, you know, you could get all bent out of sorts about it and rail on about it to Fox news. Although I find that a mite silly...

Here's what P.Z. Meyers has to say.

Article on the Scopes Monkey Trial in the Edmonton Journal.

Feature article on the book.

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Australopithecus

My first year of university--back when I was a young naif intent on becoming the next Indiana Jones--I took several anthropology courses. While the introductory course was intended to be a survey of all anthropology subjects, the largest focus was on physical anthroplogy and evolutionary genera of homonids, from monkeys to apes to humans.

I took this class with two of my favourite people, Stephanie and Leah, who spent most of the class giggling with me at our Polish professor's butchering of the English name pronunciations. (example: Leah became "Lee-a-MURR", because he always referred to the adorable Malagasy as such.)

The class became "an-throw-PAUL-o-GEEEEAYYY" and we spent a good month studying the evolution of "the MAUN-KEEAYYS". My favourite was Australopithecus bosei, which became a 40-syllable word in his delightful struggle with my native tongue.

Anyway, back to Australopithecus. The genus Australopithecus is closely related to our Homo ancestors, and may in fact be our predecessors (sorry, no Garden of Eden here). They're therefore not technically "monkeys" in the true sense, but as we all share common ancestors and swing from the same evolutionary branch, I'm not going to split ape hairs on this.

Although they were likely no more sophisticated than modern apes, they were bipeds (translation: they walked upright).

The most famous Australopithecis is "Lucy", the A. afarensis speciment discovered in Ethiopia who recently celebrated her 3.2 millionth birthday (the cake was visible from space). Her skeleton shows evidence that bipedalism preceded increase in brain size in human evolution.

So, while you may not be a monkey's uncle, a monkey was certainly yours.

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: the Infinite Monkey Theorum

"'It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times?' You stupid monkey!"

-"Last Exit to Springfield", The Simpsons

From Wikipedia.org:

"The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare."

In this case, the monkey's a mathematical metaphor. While the probability of a monkey exactly typing a complete work such as Shakespeare's Hamlet is minuscule, it is not an impossibility. 

The Infinite Monkey idea has a long history that can be traced back to Aristotle, though, obviously, without typewriters. 

In 2003, an experiment was performed with six Celebes Crested Macaques, but their literary contribution was five pages consisting largely of the letter 'S'. This, of course, is a greater contribution to literature than the last Twilight book. Hey-yo!

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Clotheshanger Gorilla

Who knew the remnants of drycleaning could look so...imposing?

This is artist David Mach's Coathanger Gorilla. It's made from thousands of welded-together coathangers placed over a plastic base. As you can see, it's quite impressive in size. Mr. Mach is also known for sculpting teddies gone bad art with plush toys. I'm not sure what Freud would have to say about it. But it looks neat. See the freaky stuff online.

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Doting monkey mum

The Daily Mail ran this anthropomorphizing article over the Thanksgiving weekend. Seems that monkey mums go just a gooey over their cute little monkey babehs as human mums do. Reason #3,425,972 why monkeys are the radness.

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Brass Monkey

Origins: from the Oxford Dictionary online:

"The story goes that cannonballs used to be stored aboard ship in piles, on a brass frame or tray called a 'monkey'. In very cold weather the brass would contract, spilling the cannonballs: hence very cold weather is 'cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey'. There are several problems with this story. The first is that the term 'monkey' is not otherwise recorded as the name for such an object. The second is that the rate of contraction of brass in cold temperatures is unlikely to be sufficient to cause the reputed effect. The third is that the phrase is actually first recorded as 'freeze the tail off a brass monkey', which removes any essential connection with balls. It therefore seems most likely that the phrase is simply a ribald allusion to the fact that metal figures will become very cold to the touch in cold weather (and some materials will become brittle)."

Brass Monkey in Popular Culture:

Beastie Boys: "Brass Monkey", License to Ill
"Brass Monkey that funky Monkey
Brass Monkey - junkie
That funky Monkey

Brass Monkey:
A cocktail consisting of equal parts beer, and orange juice, or to a mixture of gin, triple sec, tequila, orange juice, sour mix and grapefruit juice, or to a mixture of rum, vodka and orange juice (with or without galliano).

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Nazca Monkey

 The Nazca Lines are nifty geoglyphs (geo = rock, glyph = shape/carving) in my "before I die" travel destination of Peru. High on a desert plateau, hundred of these shapes--including spiders, birds and simple lines--were carved by the Nazca people over 1,000 years ago. They can be seen from space! 

The geoglyph combines two of my favourite things: archaelogy and monkeys. There are more around the world, though none quite as cool. Go ahead, offer him a giant banana. 

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Cymbal Monkey

Holy f*cking Christ that is terrifying.

I'm not sure what possesses adults to think of the most bedwetter-creating ideas to entertain children. This twitchy, unstable little critter is merely one more in a long list of inappropriate toys and images for kids. And you thought clowns were scary.

Think these things are harmless? Sure they are. Except when they wake you up in the middle of the night, crashing their cymbals and chattering without you having touched their windup key. Stephen King wrote a short story about one once. Picture 'IT' but with these bulging red orbs eyeballing you in the dark.

Ms. Fitz's Monkey(brains) of the Week

***Note: I forgot to post this on Friday. Sorry, Alex.***

Among my top ten films of all time are the Indiana Jones trilogy. Yes, I'm aware that they made a fourth one a few years ago, but for all intents and purposes--since it reflects neither my childhood dream of one day becoming an archaeologist nor my undying love for Harrison Ford in a fedora--I'm giving it a pass.

One of the most famous scenes in the second film, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, is a feast with the maharaja and his entourage, where eyeballs, live snakes ("snake surprise") and monkeys are on the menu.

I love monkeys. I would never actually consume them. But then I got to wondering:

Do people actually EAT chilled monkey brains?

According to Wikipedia (here's your grain of salt to go with that brain meal), they actually DO. That seems almost...cannibalistic, no? Though I'm a meatatarian, I could never eat something that I had an emotional connection to (like a dog or cat) or something intelligent enough to see it coming. I mean, if the damned thing can use sign language, it's off the menu, you know?

Anyway, here's the clip if you'd like to see it (in LEGO-vision!) Forgive Mrs. Spielberg her acting. She married a billionaire director, so either way, she got the last laugh, right?

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Barrel of Monkeys

I love this game. I still own a glow-in-the-dark set that sits on my bookshelf. I don't really play with it, but it's got a pride of place right next to my miniature Etch-a-Sketch. What? My inner child needs an outlet sometimes, people.

Could you make a full monkey chain? My hands are too unsteady to get all of them to last much longer than a few seconds before they start to fall off. It's more of a skill than a game in that sense.

Nostalgia.

Ms. Fitz's Blob of the Week

...UHH...I think it's a monkey. Or, perhaps, a totem head from some long-lost tribe?

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Cartman's Drumming Monkey

One of my favourite South Park gags was a season three episode in which Cartman gets a monkey with a miniature drumkit who follows him around and does drumrolls to help him learn to spell. It's a WORD MONKEY!!!!

The Hooked on Monkey Fonics monkey would build him up with a little *tsst tit tsst tsst tit tsst tit tsst tsst* and I loved it. Every time I talk to someone who seems like they have their own little soundtrack going on while they blab, I picture the little drumming South Park monkey. That, or the Oompah band episode from Kids in the Hall. Ah...pop culture. How could I define my life without you?

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Curious George

George's got it all: monkey-ness, cuteness, cartoon-y-ness and a warm fuzzy part of my chilhood...ness.

Yes, he tested the Man in the Yellow Hat's patience, and sometimes I wondered why the Man in the Yellow Hat didn't just take him to the zoo and be done with his monkeying around. But he was just so insatiably curious and adorable, how could he say no?

I'm curious, like George, always getting into mischief. We're kindred that way.

Clever little monkey, he is.

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Sock Monkey

Who doesn't love these? Though I never had one as a child, my fondness has grown over the years. They've made a recent comeback, and I've found them at hip home outfitters and curio shops around town. I've got a pattern to knit one, and I even found a sock monkey toque pattern here. Rad, no?

Ms. Fitz's Monkey of the Week: Basement Jaxx

Ok, so they're not "real" monkeys. But you've got to admit that any musical group with such a prominent monkey fetish will inevitably end up in my good books. I got this album for Christmas my second year of university (2002? '03?) and it got a heavy rotation in my car stereo. Especially "Where's Your Head At?" Excellent song. Video below.