Stupid laws of physics...*grumble*

(or: "How I spent my Wednesday Night.")

Gather round, kiddies. It's time for one of Auntie K's patented, 100% organic, family-friendly funny stories guaranteed to make you scratch your head and laugh at me.

So...

Ever since I moved into my apartment, I've had issues with my Kitchen Sink. Not so much that I come home every night and the dishes have yet to do themselves (maybe tonight...?) but moreso that the hot water faucet is a piece o' shite. For the past six months, every time I (or my upstairs neighbour, for that matter) turned on our faucet, the pipes would make horrible screeching death sounds, like the pipes were protesting against the scalding they received. Stupid pipes.

My landlord supposedly fixed this problem when we all went without water for a day back in October. Fixed that, right? well....not quite.

See, the other issue with the hot water tap was that the knob tended to need a lot of coaxing to actually get water to come out of it. Scotty P., lovely "helpful" man he is, tried to fix it for me one day, and ended up making it worse. (still love ya, boy, you tried your best!) It has gradually gotten to the point where it now takes two full revolutions of the faucet before water begins to spout from the tap.

Then, about a week ago, the tap stopped working altogether. And no matter how tightly I would twist it, it would drip loud, plopping drips into the kitchen sink. Finally having enough, I tried turning off the valve under the sink. It wouldn't budge. So I got out my trusty toolkit, got my wrench and started pulling with all my might. Finally got it closed....but the water was still coming out. After throwing the wrench at the tap, I pouted for a few minutes, then decided to ignore the problem and sit on my couch to watch TV.

The *drip, drip, drip....PLOP!* did not help matters. I turned up the volume and called my landlord (who doesn't make housecalls after 8pm, figures.) and finally wrapped a towel around the damn thing to at least try to muffle the sounds of dripping.

That way, or so I thought, I could at least get through the night without wanting to gnaw my own face off.

I slept pretty well, all things considered....until about 3 am, when I shifted over to the left side of the bed and the whole side crashed to the floor, jolting me awake.

See, I've got one of those IKEA frames that take the slats, but since I have a boxspring, I figured I didn't need the slats. However, the boxspring having round corners and the bed frame having square ones, if it's not perfectly balanced on the corners...the boxspring will sink into one of the corners. Apparently, last night I was tossing a lot, because the second I flipped to the left, BANG!

I got up and said to myself that there was NO WAY I was fixing my bed at 3am, and huffed off to sleep on the couch.

The I realized that I can't sleep on my couch when there's a comfy bedroom, so I ended up moving a big honkin' mattress and boxspring around, hopefully disturbing my neighbours in the process (loud bastards.)

finally, I lay gingerly atop my bed, and tried to rest, while thinking the lightest, least restless thoughts possible.

And it worked....until 6am, when the bed sunk again.

Stupid bed. Stupid faucet.

K