What the hell is wrong with people?!!

Firstly, a little explanatory preamble is in order:

My crummy temp job (which is –thankfully!—ending on December 30) involves working for the City Bylaw office taking citizen complaints. Specifically, I take complaints on parking tickets. Now, while this is a fun and exciting (read: mind-numbing) position, it does have its moments of wry irony and hilarity. I must admit that I get the odd giggle from some of the excuses sent my way.

I’m sure everyone’s seen that TV commercial with the guy going to pay the parking ticket, and he tells the men at the counter, “you know, I just didn’t see the sign.” And the two guys at the counter look dumbstruck and reply:

“no!”

“That’s awful!”

“You know, you hear about these things, but when you see that it happens to real people…”

It’s hilarious in its stupidity, because, as we all know, it’s re-godamned-diculous to expect someone to cancel a parking ticket because you “didn’t see the sign,” right. Right?

Well…not so much. Having spent the past 3 months in this office, I can tell you that most people will try to sell you their own mother over the phone than admit to any wrongdoing on their part when it comes to driver responsibility. It would seem that they are all helpless victims of “the Man” who, they’re pretty certain, moves those fire hydrants around to make them closer to their car than when they parked there. Yeah, right.

Anyways, so after about 10 dozen of these calls, they get rather repetitive and boring, but every now and again, there’s one that surprises you. And the lady who just called me was one of these. Never doubt human ingenuity. Or self-importance.

So I had spoken to this woman earlier on in the week and, as luck would have it, I got her again on my phone about 15 minutes ago. She had called on Monday to protest the issuance of a ticket for parking too close to a stop sign. (Which she clearly was, since the measurement’s right there on the piece of paper.) She did not deny parking too close to the sign. Her issue (and the reason that she requested—nay, demanded—the ticket be cancelled) was that the Bylaw Officer had written the offence down as parked “to near a stop sign” rather than “too near a stop sign.” Yes. You read that correctly. The woman was arguing with me that, as the ticket was ungrammatical, it should not count.

Now, as anyone who knows me will attest, I am an English snob par excellence. I have a damned DEGREE in the subject. That said, I find this nitpicking a little excessive. Okay, scratch that, a LOT excessive. So, yes, perhaps the ticket is nonsensical, but putting “to” rather than “too” does not detract from the meaning of the sentence. Many people have problems with homonymous words and, regardless of spelling, with minimal effort the meaning of this offence is still comprehensible. Add to that the facts that:

a) The ticket’s not a legal document and the Bylaw officer can change the spelling later if he so chooses, so it’s really a moot argument, and;
b) Anyone working as a parking ticket distributor most likely does not have the equivalent English mastery that you so deftly displayed

And it’s pretty obvious that this lady is a snooty bitch who needs to find something better to do with her time.

After I spoke with her on Monday, I had a good laugh with my coworkers. That is until we received an email from the head of our department that the woman had emailed her and informed her that the City should take more care in training its employees in spelling. Gah!

Figuring this woman was just venting, I got on with my life. However, she again called this afternoon and wanted to know if the ticket was cancelled (no it was not you stupid cow, now feck off!) so I discussed it with my Appeals section, and we decided to placate her by taking her appeal…to which they will write a polite (and grammatically correct) response telling her, in no uncertain terms, that she is a foolish, time-wasting woman and that the ticket stands. Now give us your damned $40.00.

Bah. Humbug.