Happy Birthday, Bernie!

"Some look at things that are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were and ask why not?" (George Bernard Shaw)

For those of you unawares (and I'm assuming that's everyone)today is the 150th anniversary of playwright, wit, utopian socialist, nobel-laureate and all-around genius George Bernard Shaw's birth.

Being an English BA-holder and one-time Dubliner, I felt it was right to pay a brief tribute to the Irishman who brought the snide remark and bon mot to a new level.

I love witty writers and GBS is one of my favourites. If I could (will?--here's hoping!)leave a written legacy, I would want my words to be as insightful, sparklingly intelligent and bitingly ironic as his.

Slainte, GB.

K
*******************************************************************

George Bernard Shaw once found himself at a dinner party, seated beside an attractive woman. "Madam," he asked, "would you go to bed with me for a thousand pounds?" The woman blushed and rather indignantly shook her head.
"For ten thousand pounds?" he asked. "No. I would not." "Then how about fifty thousand pounds?" he contined.

The colossal sum gave the woman pause, and after further reflection, she coyly replied: "Perhaps." "And if I were to offer you five pounds?" Shaw asked.

"Mr. Shaw!" the woman exclaimed. "What do you take me for!?"

"We have already established what you are," Shaw calmly replied. "Now we are merely haggling over the price."

Tell me about the rabbits, George...

Having recently moved to a fabulous part of town a few weeks ago, I have been venturing into the renowned River Valley on a daily basis, usually on my walks to and from work. It never ceases to amaze me how such lush nature can be smack dab in the middle of a city and yet during rush hour the only thing I can hear on my way to work is squirrels and the *ding, ding!* of bikers as they pass. It's pretty sweet. I have seen quite a few interesting creatures I don't normally get the opportunity to see living in an apartment block. My very first walk I saw what I believe to be some sort of woodpecker, though being the expert ornithologist I am, it could very well have been a lark or something. Definitely not an owl or a magpie (wicked, evil magpies... sorry, bad experiences with magpies, specifically them ganging up on my dog back in the day...nevermind...)

The most common friend I see every morning, however, is the jackrabbit. Now, Edmonton is renowned for its near-pestilence numbers of rabbits of all shapes and sizes. You can barely turn the corner (even in the most developed areas) without stumbling upon a bushy white tail. I loves the bunnies. They're so cute, though somewhat skittish. Even the Leg, where I work, is littered (no pun intended) with them. Except these little buggers are damn near fearless. There's one I've dubbed "Bob" who is always munching grass outside of the front door of my building. Usually I walk past and he trots away under a bush, but the other day I didn't see him and nearly tripped over him on my way in the building! Tripped! On a bunny! And he just kept on munching grass and looking adorable. Damn bunnies. I love them. Now if I could only tame one and fit it into my apartment somehow....

Debauched

Friday night I packed up my bathing suit, hot dogs and a 26 of rum and headed up to Mahe's Hut for a weekend of sea-dooing and shenanigans. And what shenanigans. Let me explain:

So we arrive at thunder lake around 9, where we begin the weekend by[CENSORED!]until about midnight, then decide to go for a [CENSORED!]which was my first time ever and was very fun and freeing. There were a lot of photos taken. Saturday was a beach bash, barbecue, then an hour-long kegstand competition, follwed by the most ridiculous and subversive group [CENSORED!]after which I was very tired. Nearly [CENSORED!]but, thankfully, was sober enough not to.

Returned home yesterday absolutely exhausted. Hope there are no photos of me lurking on the internet at this point. And if they are, I hope I get some of the proceeds from the "drunk girls acting retarded" videos they're sure to turn up on. *shaking head* what a weekend. ...

I can't wait to do it again in August!

hahaha.

Cheers,
K, not quite as innocent as I was a week ago.

Pvt. Fitz Reporting for Duty....

Hey all! Sorry about the time span between posts, but I've been rather busy. I can't believe the week I've had: it's felt like 10! Had a nice long 4-day weekend to move. Packed on Friday, moved in on Saturday and was pleasantly surprised to have a BUNCH of friends come over and help. Seriously, you guys are awesome. I am pleased. Now here's a cookie.

(hehe)

My baseless fear that I would be relegated to loneliness living on my own has not come to fruition. If anything, I'm busier right now than I've ever been....and it's gonna get even busier now, because I have been recruited into the Army.

The Sonic Intern Army, that is.

Yep, I had my mum (yes, mum, I don't have a car, okay?!) drive me to the Used Hubcap District, where I sat with the cool kitties and learned all about volunteering for this wicked-ass radio station and getting free passes to events such as, oh, concerts, movies, the usual. Hee hee hee!

I'm gonna start off slow, see how much time I can commit to it, but I'm pretty sure I'll be doing it often: it looks like such fun!

Anyways, that's about it for the update. Lots of other stuff happened this weekend, but I'm tired from the move/coming down with the sniffles and I need my rest so that I can go out and get right wasted this weekend at my dear friend Marc's cabin. Booya!

K

HOME FREE!!!

Squeal-worthy news annoucement in 5....4.....3....2....

oh, what the heck!

I've got a place to live!!!

Yes, that's right. I finally have an apartment all to my lovely self. Many of you will recall how I was going to move in with Ms. Betts' roomie, Y.C., when Bettsy vacated the premises. Unfortunately, that didn't happen and both of them are unsure where they're moving,what's happening with the lease, etc. So, on the off chance that I'd find something half decent, I went to look at some apartments on Monday. The first one was decent and right downtown, 10 minutes from work. It was a little pricy at $600, especially when the bedroom could barely fit a double bed. Ouch.

Second place I looked at was with mum (yes, I took my mum, shut up)and was right near the river valley and in close proximity to Whyte and downtown. And it was awesome! There's no balcony (bsmt suite) and I can't get a kitty (yet....hehehe) but it's HUGE and clean and nearly $100 cheaper than the first place I looked at. I signed an application form, just for the heck of it, and I was accepted yesterday. So tomorrow I go to sign my lease and drop off my first cheques, and I'm in as of July 1st!!!! yah!

Now, as July 1st is a holiday, I don't think I'll be doing much moving that day. Maybe some cleaning, and perhaps have everyone over to my empty flat to see my space and drink some beer. We could even watch the fireworks from Saskatchewan drive. Sweet, no? Of course, if anyone's free on Sunday (July 2) I'd very much appreciate some help moving furniture (wink, nudge).

Okay, ttfn.

K

Sometimes you run the wheel, other times, the wheel runs you...

At the best of times, my attention span/short term memory is somewhere between goldfish and Einstein-like hamster. Today I fell off the wheel while chatting on MSN (work? what work?....oh, THAAT work. Meh. I'll do it later) with the Lovely Bettsy, whose convocation from Uni is today (congrats!) I had offered my congratulations and we had barely continued the conversation, when she had to leave. When I asked for where, I received as blank a stare as one can receive when chatting online and immediately offered up my apologies for being so dense. I am so retarded sometimes. No, wait, that's an insult to retarded people. *sigh*

Just thought I'd share that with you, so that you might laugh at me as much as Bettsorama did.

Cheers,
K

Squirrel Ninja Defense

So, for those of you who know me well (or have been around me more than 5 minutes) you'll know that I have a rather great(some would say "unhealthy") fondness for squirrels. Perhaps the only thing i'm fonder of, in fact, would be monkeys. (hehe, just saying the word makes me giggle.)

So you can imagine my surprise and glee when i discovered this kokanee advertisement sitting on my table at a pub a few weeks ago! So, of course, I swiped it. (Respect for bar property has never been something I've been terribly fond of).

Add to the squirrels the fact that it involves Ninjas--the pinnacle of radness--and you've got yourself a near-perfect advert. Enjoy.

i Must be Craze-ay!

Okay, everyone who HASN'T heard of Gnarls Barkley, raise their hand.....anyone?

That's right. They are the shiznit, and I hereby declare "crazy" my mojo music for the summer. Their album makes me think of Moby's 'play', except with Marvin Gaye overtones instead of 30's gospel music. Either way, it equals awesomeness!!!

That, and anyone who dresses up in bowler hats and white suspenders and drinks moloko is alright with me. Yarbles!*



*(ps - if you don't understand what i'm talking about, I recommend you go out and borrow Anthony Burgess' "A Clockwork Orange" from your local library immediately)

24 on the 24th!

Happy Birthday to me....happy birthday to me....happy birthday, happy birthday....happy birthday to me!

Pitchin' a Tent...

The sun is shining, the temperature is up around 30C and it's nearly my birthday.

Ahh....does it get any better than this?

Yes, in fact. It does.

Because it's May Long Weekend. And you know what that means! CAMPING!!!

Okay, so my friends mostly turned out to be lame (still love you guys!) and had other things to do, like "work", but I've found a group of diehards to help me get good and plastered and set fires in the bush. (erm, I mean, have campfires and safely and properly put them out when said fire is done, right...)

so happy. I loves the campin'. Especially the very first trip of the season. It's refereshing and reinvigorating. And you get to eat hot dogs covered in dirt and not give a shit for 3 days. woo!

See ya, suckas!

Love,
K

I am so smart, S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T!

So, the Edmonton Journal is having this contest all month where you can win a different smart car each week during the month of May.

And it will be mine. Oh yes. It will be mine.

Though they seem cramped and you shudder to think what would happen if an SUV ever attacked one, they're the most brilliant commuter transport ever. Like a vespa, only you can drive it in the winter. Woo!

That, and they're just about the cutest things since they invented a kitten-puppy-newborn baby hybrid (didn't you hear about that?)I want to try to beep the horn. I bet it makes the cutest little honk. hehe!

So fingers crossed for me, and if I win it, you can all have a ride around town in my adorable new car!

Lucky Lucky, You're so Lucky....

Heidi Ho, Neighbourinos!

Appy-polly-logies for the delay in my updates. This whole "real" job thing's a bummer. No time to dally on the 'net and update useless self-gratifying blog. *sigh*

Went to see the lads of FF with Death Cab for Cutie on Tuesday with MJ, Hore-atio and The Married One. It was awesome! Even bought myself a t-shirt, which was a first, amazingly, for me. Amazing, since I've been to about 40 concerts in my 23 short years and not a one where I've had the urge to purchase (typically overpriced) swag. But it was too hip not to. Okay, so every other female in E-town will have one, but I care not, for I had a great time.

After the concert, went back to Hore-atio's place to watch the overtime nail-biter between the Oilers and the Red Wings (well, boys did, I started to doze) until about 1am before MJ drove the Married One and I home. Woke up yesterday with a mega head-cold and called in sick. Laid on couch and watched DVDs of X-Files and Dead Like Me and slept. Woot. *cough*

Back at work now, which blows. I'm done with this whole working while sick thing. gonna go home and sleep some more. Maybe eat some ice cream for my throat. Yes, erm, throat, that's it...hehe....

cheers

k

The King is Dead!

Ralph Klein just held a press conference announcing his retirement!!!!

...okay, so it's in 6 months, but STILL! dance a little jig with me, will ya?

hee hee hee!

k

The magical (and well-designed!) land of yellow and blue

yippee!

so,for those of you not in the know, Miss Fitz will be making the transition from mommy's pockets to a home of her very own (!) in the next few weeks. sooo, excited! *squeal!*

ahem. sorry. don't make that sound very often, but sometimes, you need to squeal.

as such, i've been browsing, bartering and begging left and right for furniture and any other accoutrements of a nice bachelor suite. so far, the generosity and deals have been awesome.

Mr. M and his aunt jo have offered me a couch, a tv and a chaise lounge which happens to be my all-time favorite piece of furniture. it's rad.

i know that i have to spend money on SOME things, but i'm looking for deals where i can get 'em. found a great kitchy '50s table at value village, but the asking price was too high ($200 for a 40-year-old table? i think not!) so i went back last night to bargain...and some sucker had paid full price for it. (sad and snickering at the same time...)

so mums agreed/got dragged to IKEA, which is one of my all-time favorite places to shop. i just love it there. every time you go you are just amazed by the clever designs and funky colours. (they love orange, as do i!)

being a snob, i never shopped in the as-is section, since i figured it was all broken stuff. however, scotty, buddy and IKEA employee extraordinaire, explained that sometimes the stuff there is perfectly fine, only with one scratch or even so much as a mere broken box!

so, once there, we picked through the as-is stuff and found a half price dresser in pristine condition, and i also go myself a teeny little table and two chairs for my kitchen that were on super sale. in all, i spent slightly over $150 for all that. not too bad, if i do say so myself. now all i need is a bed and some linens, and i'm good to go!

swank!

k

A little bit fascist, a little bit rock n' roll...

So, looks like the County of Strathcona (ie: the ruling body of my bubblicious suburb) voted 5-3 in favour of a curfew for all those residents under 18. First offence is $100 fine, second is $200 and it only gets more ridiculous from there. As an added kick to the gut, the fines go to the parents of supposed "malicious, rampaging no-goodnik teens" for their implicit bad parenting in allowing their children to stay out past bedtime. *gasp!*

I for one believe this new bylaw is a bunch o' malarky and applaud the kids who I read in the paper are planning to take this thing to court or ignore it outright.

Not that I believe teens should be out raising hell all night, mind you. However, I do not believe that:

a) Staying out late is really the problem; and
b) Imposing a "time limit" on underaged fun is going to curtail mischief-making in the wee hours.

Let's face it. If you're going to be bad, you're going to find a way to do it, regardless of the "rules" of society. so what are we left with? Punishing some poor 16 year old who decides to walk home from a buddy's house after a night of drinking in an effort to be responsible and forcing said teen to work an extra bloody 40 hours at mcdonald's to pay off his not heeding the new bylaw?

hooey. It's all so much hooey. blecch. How about we teach young people respect and give them the benefit of the doubt and instill faith in them that they're not evil little shits who magically transform upon their 18th birthdays into respectable and contributing members of society? It doesn't work that way. Fostering distrust and suspicion will only make the bad more untrustworthy and the good less willing to participate in a society that treats them as lesser citizens.

The irony of all this, of course, is while we're punishing young people for not being old enough, it's the adults in this situation who need to be reminded to GROW UP.

Erin go Bragh!

Hey all you sexy ladies and gents!

yes, that's right, 'tis I, your lovely neighbourhood non-blogger, checking in to wish you all a happy st.paddy's day and all that jazz. This is a particularly memorable paddy's day for me, as it is the one year anniversary of my arrival in the lovely land of Eire for my travels and tribulations in Dublin's fair city. Wow. can't belive it's been a year. that's so crazy. why does time keep speeding up on me? at this rate, i'll be 80 in the span of time that it felt it took to get from 4-8 years of age. damn!

anyways, lots of apologies for not blogging sooner, been a rather hectic past month or so. lots of job and relationship turmoil, to say the least, which has finally settled down and allowed me to do those little fun things again, such as write useless crap and post it for the world to see! yah!

am now gainfully (and permanently) employed for the official opposition caucus of my province, which is actually pretty rad. a decent paycheque isn't too bad, either. leaving the last temp job with the real estate office was tough, since the people there were totally fun, and two of the guys there were fighting between themselves to see who could offer me more money and keep me there. I was seriously tempted, but in the long run i think there are more opportunities here for me. that, and there's a younger crowd of 20-30ish peeps here, which means one seriously awesome thing: new drinking buddies!

last night got rather tipsy with said new coworkers and then went home and baked cupcakes at midnight (amazingly, no 3rd degree burns obtained)and frosted them with green icing for lots of st.paddy's day deliciousness! woo!

Anyways, enough of my blathering. see, this is what comes of not blogging in a while: verbal diarrhea. lots more to say, but will pace myself and just write more frequently.

cheers!

k

Por Nada...

Came home last night to a big pile o' mail at the front door. And what was in that pile, my dearest lads and lasses? (If you live in E-town like me, you already know the answer to this one...) Yes, that's right, my King-Ralph sanctioned Prosperity Cheque. A whole whopping $400.00 from the government, for no particular reason other than, well, "because we can."

Now, while many people see this as a great bonus to being from the great red-neck yee-haw province of Alberta and are planning spa packages (well, those who aren't on the dole and using this money to pay off their mortgage this month, that is,) I am more interested in the "becase we can" part of this equation.

What many of my fellow Albertans seem to be taking for granted in this mad money-grubbing rush is how very fortunate we are to be getting this money at all. I mean, think about it: a few million of us are being given, for no other reason than because we happen to live in one of the wealthiest places in the world, what in some 3rd-world country would be the equivalent of an entire year's salary. I'm sure my $400.00 would go a long way towards feeding some hungry orphans or building a well or some such thing.

Just kinda rubs me the wrong way when some people are getting all self-congratulatory, as if they did something special to "deserve" this. Reminds me of the last Chris Rock HBO special I saw. He made a funny (and hilarious because it was so true) comment about how proud people are and how deserving they feel about coming from a first world country. Chris succinctly put it (excuse lack of humour brought on by my poor paraphrase): "you didn't do anything to get where you are, you just happened to come out of the right person in the right place a the right time. That's not destiny, that's luck!"

In that spirit, I think I'm going to count myself lucky and spend the money on things i really need, rather than just spoil myself. Since the money isn't being spent on things like education and health care (because the "people" use the money so much more wisely than the government, pfft) and i've got no health coverage at the mo', I think this money'll help go to paying off to get my teeth fixed, so this ache that's been bothering me for the past few weeks will finally go away. Not glamorous, but more useful than a new pair of boots.

How are you all going to use your money, E-tonians?

Cheers,

k

Goddammit!

Hi ho, neighbours. Your lovely fitzy is not as cheery as normal. Most likely due to the outcome of last night's elections. Not that I was surprised. You know, one crappy thing about living in E-town is that it is very difficult to complain about the election results. I gotta find the other 2 non-conservatives in the entire province and THEN we could have a dialogue. Unfortunately, I live in a community where the blues are rather popular and the MP for my riding is a jolly complacent fat man who enjoys eating buckets of chicken and kittens. Not that I can verify any of that, mind you. Except the kitten part, that I've got photos for. (hehe)

On the bright side, very excited that the little Orange and Green engines that could actually managed to increase their seats this election. So proud of you, and your authoritative mustache, Jacky-boy.("The mustache is where much of my authority is derived", sorry gotta quote movies any chance i get)

Ah well. Time to make the best of things. I hope you all did your civic duties and voted last night. and if not: for SHAME!!! that's right. i said it. SHAAAAAAAME! hehe.

lemme know how things went in your ridings. i'd be interested to see how my buddies in the T-dot felt about this, my little displaced Edmontonians that they are.

Cheers,

K

2006: The year of the busy little bee...

Whoo, baby!

My appy-polly-logies to all my buddies/readers (yes, both of you)for not being as good at the updates in the new year.

I hope that your New Year's plans went well. My eve was quieter than planned, but by the time I was dressed up and ready to go, the urge to boogie on the dancefloor had mysteriously vanished. Got some good hugs and phone calls in, though, so I suppose that's always something, right? :o)

Well, Fitzy's been busy this year. New job that actually requires real work ethic (wow! It's exciting, I know!) and lack of regular access to the internet have been my excuses. I'm reluctant to try this puppy at home for fear that it may cause my ol' compy to gasp its last breath.

Anywho, things are not too terrible right now. No big complaints or anything. But alas, I have another assignment to finish for work, but there'll be a nice post next time. promise. just checking in so you don't think i'm dead.

word to your mother.

New Year: Almost Here!

Booya, darlings!

I hope everyone had a lovely turkey time on Sunday, I know I did! (my pants are too tight to prove it...yow!)

T'was a smaller Christmas this year, not as many gifties under the tree, but still some good stuff. Mostly clothing, and some guitar lessons so I can really rawk out (i shudder at that grammar, but i am doing it to emphasize my new-found "cool")on my new guitar (for which I also received an electronic tuner, sweet!)

This year was my first Christmas day dinner away from my mum (*sniffle* such a mama's girl!) but dinner with M.J. and his family was really enjoyable--and filling!

Didn't do much on Boxing Day (no shopping, didn't need the headache)except watch an entire season of "Dead Like Me" on DVD. That show kicks ass. I definitely recommend it to anyone who hasn't heard of and/or seen it.

Yesterday went shopping at the Great Mall of Horrors (wem) which was still crazy-go-nuts insanity, but not as bad as boxing day would have been. Went to Chapters and got myself a new book (yah! new books! i love new books!) with my gift certificates. And this book is really awesome. It's called "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell. It's a non-fiction piece about the phenomenon of people making snap decisions and how those decisions are often more correct than ones we spend time researching and deliberating over. It's radness. Makes you go "hmmm" a lot. I like books that do that. :o)

Well, that's it for me. Anybody got some good ideas for the 31st? I'm free!